What a great year

Greeting to you my wife and I are so glad that you were able to stop over for a minute and read this year-end address from the pastors. 2011 has been an amazing year and we have learnt so much and have been blessed. I can confidently say I am a better pastor, father husband leaders and life coach. I will never be the same. We are determined to move in fully into our destiny and assignment. In spite all the activity of the past year we are moving on with the Lord. My spiritual father taught me you cannot become great with regrets, you have to learn to move on and moving on we are. I encourage you to look up to the Lord and say “I am moving on in spite of all my failures this past year. Past failure often holds people in a stronghold that limits their future”. Let go of the regrets and the pain and disappointment lift up your head and move on. Remember that He promised that He would turn your shame to fame. Wow that’s awesome.

Well looking into the future we are seeing a lot of exciting opportunities for us and for the church and the Kingdom of God. This year as we saw the birthing of Prevailing Word Ministries International we were so encouraged by the love and support that poured in from all the corners of the globe. Do continue to pray for us as we go to the next level. We need the wisdom of God to manifest strongly. We want to see the work established and flourish in a wonderful way. We are looking at having the launch at the end of January and our first conference in the middle of the year. That will be an awesome and historic event. There are some awesome doors opening for television ministry as well and for me this is exciting, as we need to develop a strong evangelistic thrust in the ministry.

Through out 2011 I was under a very strong prophetic anointing that opened up my heart and mind to the plans that the Lord has for South Africa as a nation and as we take these step I believe it is a setup for that transformation to happen. We are living in great times as the church of the Lord and we will see revival sweep the nation in a mighty way. This is where it gets even more exciting as the Lord has a plan for you specifically in all of this. He wants to bless and prosper you in every area of your life so you can be a blessing. Through you shall all the families of the earth be blessed were His words to Abraham and this applies to the seed of Abraham that you and me. As you get planted in the house of God you will become a partaker of the anointing that is flowing in this season. So for those that are not members of Prevailing Word Ministries International I encourage you be planted in your church and connected to your pastors and to the agenda that God has for you there. Those that a re planted in the house of the Lord shall be fat and flourishing. This is talking about you, be planed in a good church and let God water you through you pastor.

Here are some beatitudes that you need to keep in your mind as you step into 2012
1. Be well planted
2. Be well Planned 
3. Be well prayed
4. Be full of the Word
5. Be full of faith
6. Be full of wisdom
7. Be well connected
8. Be expectant
9. Be diligent
11. Be radical

I believe you can succeed, I believe you can make it; I believe God has plans for you. If you need further help to prepare for 2012 and beyond please order a copy of “Success Paradigms 101” an amazing module that was created with you in mind. We want to invest in your life and sow a seed that will help you lay great foundations for a successful year. I also hope you have been blessed by the blog’ that we have been posting, they have ministered to me so much. It was amazing to see over 5000 people visiting the blog site and all the responses and interaction I have had with you has been precious. This coming year we a are taking blogging to another level with “Xtreme Blogging” by popular demand we will be adding a few more blog’ on young people, manhood, and ladies. We have some exciting packages that we have been working on. Get ready get ready get ready. Our prayer is that your marriage, your finances, personal life and goals have all been impacted.

Anyway this was supposed to be brief but you know pastors once they get talking they cannot stop.

Thank you so much for having been a part of our lives in 2011. We love you and we are paying for you. Merry Christmas and may you blast into 2012.

Pastor Tich and Princisca Tanyanyiwa
Prevailing Word Ministries International

Married and loving it: Take time to celebrate

Married and loving it: Take time to celebrate

Take time to celebrate

If you want to keep you marriage “Romantic and Sweet” you need to stop and take time to celebrate each other. In this blog I want to encourage you to celebrate your spouse and see what will happen. I dedicate this one to my wife. The greatest wife in the world, a woman of great value. My one and only, the only woman I have ever made love with, my friend and lover. The only woman who truly knows me, I celebrate your beauty, you grace, your passion, your tireless energy and determination. Your commitment and your smile let me say that again your smile wow I see it now as I write.

Her smile is like the breaking of a new day, whose rays warm up the home. It is like a glass of cool juice on a hot summer day. It is like a calming breeze in the blazing sun, like a three in one blanket on a cold joburg winter night. It comforts the home and brings peace it encourages when the world is upset. It heal when pain is attacking it strengthens when there is an assignment ahead. Oh that smile it makes my world go round.

I shall not dare to speak of the embrace, as that is no under 45. But let me just say “You light up my life honey. I celebrate you”

Celebrating is a way of appreciating what God has blessed you with. It’s a means of acknowledging that you have something of value that you are not taking for granted. When wives are not celebrated often a person they feel like they are just a bedroom tool and when husbands are not celebrated they feel they are just an ATM. Celebrate your spouse and you will be amazed at the results. Remember the last blog. I have added some notes from a marriage module I did a while ago I thought this would be of interest to you.

Keeping the romance fire alive in your marriage requires some investment on your part. All the blog’ are designed to provoke you to some kind of action. If anyone has been blessed by the blog’ its me. Wow God is at work in my life through these awesome teachings. The research the scriptures the assessing and the testing if it works. Wow its been awesome.
 

How to celebrate
    You will find that the ROMANCE factor mainly affects the soulish part of man but it does have an impact on our spirits and bodies, good healthy marriages contribute to longevity. Proverbs 15 vs. 13-15 and Proverbs 17 vs.22. SO its healthy to have a good marriage

    Focus on the good things in your marriage deal with the negatives don’t dwell there. (http://buildingagreatmarriage.blogspot.com/2011/10/build-on-positives.html)

    Always celebrate your marriage and friendship, look for opportunities to celebrate some thing. It is in the nature of God to celebrate and rejoice and so it is in man who is made in the image of God. A marriage that has little to celebrate will soon become routine and dutiful. And when the romance runs out you will need help.

    Don't Wait—Celebrate!
*Celebrations don't have to be expensive, elaborate, or exotic
    *Make room for both planned and spontaneous celebrations
    *Punctuate the fun times with celebrations that are affirming, inspiring, and helpful.
    *Reminisce about your life and your future together
    *Create a journal and/or scrapbook of your celebrations
Celebrate a promotion an assignment well done, great sex last night, the baby can sit. Try it and see what happens to your relationship.

Lets have a quick checklist, just for fun. We’ve broken it up into several segments for even better testing!

Daily Romantic Checklist
1. Always compliment your lover.
2. Tell your lover how much you love him/her.
3. Say 'I love u' at least seven times daily.
4. Spend at least an hour together daily.
5. Give surprises or do some unexpected gestures.
6. Always call in to find out how things are with your partner.
7. Hug your partner first thing when you get up in the morning.

Weekly Romantic Checklist
1. Make it a point to spend a whole day together.
2. Do something which both of you enjoy doing together.
3. Cook her a meal. (I am not responsible for the results here)
4. Give your partner a surprise gift. (Not a surprise trip to the in-laws)
5. Give one another a good body massage followed with u-know-what… (I meant prayer)
6. Go out for fun events together.
7. Plan something special for the upcoming weekend.

Monthly Romantic Checklist
1. Plan to go out for a short trip during the weekend. (Be back in time for church. Lol)
2. Go out for dinner at least twice every month. (All the ladies say yes!!!)
3. Make love more often. (All the men say amen)
4. Watch two romantic movies a month. (For Christians watch an anointed teaching on prayer) Ha ha
5. Take your lover out for shopping and give her/him a beautiful gift.
 

Yearly Romantic Checklist
1. Think of an unusual way to celebrate your partner's birthday.
2. Make a new years resolution to be more creatively romantic.
3. Make Plans for your next anniversary.
4. Create a special 'Romance' category in your household budget.
5. Go out for a long vacation once in a year.
6. Plan out your next vacation.

Evaluating your ROMANCE level
    Be open and honest. This is a key to building a better marriage.
    Adam and eve were naked and not ashamed
    Put in an action plan to make thing work better
    Don’t forget to pray about it

Ok let me stop here, you can buy the book when its out.
Thank you for supporting the Xtreme Blogging page this past year you have helped us minister to over 20000 people through all the blogs wow. It’s exciting for me I cannot wait for 2012 and all it holds for us, I live to write and teach

We wish you a “Married and loving it” 2012

Pastors Tich and Princisca Tanyanyiwa 

Ever wondered about love and submission?

Ephesian's 5 vs. 22-25

I had an interesting experience at a wedding yesterday and this is where I began the to write the content of this blog. As I sat at a wedding reception these words were began to bubble in my spirit. ''A wife will submit to love and a husband will love submission''

Take a moment to think on these words. Have you ever noticed that these two stimuli generally bring a response from our spouses? When her husband gives his wife unconditional love her natural response is to submit to him and add value to his life. Her wifely anointing if I can put t that was blossoms in an environment of love. Do we as husbands ever take time to give our wives the love they need. I have learnt that most husbands I meet really do love their wives but often the expression of that love leaves a lot to be desired. And guys I am not just shooting at you here because I also make mistakes in this area. Thank God for Dr. Garry Chapman’s book the 5 love languages. I still desperately press in to find ways of expressing my love to my wife. I noticed that she is different from me. I thing will work for me all the time while her book is thick and difficult to read and you need to know what to do on what day and at what time and with what intensity. There is no one size fits all for loving her. Please pray for me guys I need your support.

Marriage was designed by God to be a place where the love factor and the honor factor is met. When there is a shortfall of these we feel incomplete and unhappy and sometimes its difficult to tell what it is. Symptoms are wives becomes closed up, withdrawn and they loose their spark. Men become irritable, edgy and impatient. If you are seeing these in your spouse you need to work on the exercise prescribed by Pastorxtreme below. Try you have nothing to loose and lots to gain.

Here is a little exercise for you to do. Just hope your spouse has not yet read this blog so you can really surprise them. If they have just pretend like you don’t know anything about the blog. Choose your time wisely and go to your spouse and ask this question. (Husband) Honey please teach me to love you. How can I love you better? I want to love you the way you want to be loved. I promise you brother that day when you.... Heaven will come down. (I tried it worked will try again later today) You might need to take time to listen as she pours out her heart. Don't stop her half as that might cause problems for you let her speak take notes (in your head) and try and do at least two things immediately and the rewards will motivate you to do the rest.

Her response to your love naturally would be to submit and you will be motivated further. For the wife here is your question ''love I really want to be more submitted to you. I want you to know you are the man in my life I really look up to you. Thank you for being my covering'' with most men if you say this they will be so shocked they will say something sweet and confused because they are not used to it.

But when you do this in word and attitude and in bed you will not need to beg for anything except mercy when you get electrocuted by love... God gave us these love and submission instructions several times in His word and we so often ignore them. What would happen in our marriages if we made a practice of loving and submitting to one another? We will be married and loving it.

Remember women submit to love and men love submission so be generous and see you marriage go up a notch. Be blessed and let God do a great work in you. From your loving pastors that are married and loving it.

Don't work so hard!!!

This is an interesting and humorous story I found somewhere. Trust you will find it funny even if you are also guilty. Read and then lets talk…

The Riddle Is Solved

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: 

Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behavior and life-style once their vows are exchanged?

Finally, the riddle is solved.  A social scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation. 

When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle, She sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn.  Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process where the brain absorbs these three stimuli: aisle, altar, hymn, begins.  She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions: Aisle, altar, hymn.  .  .  Aisle, altar, hymn.  .  . Aisle, altar, hymn.  And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is complete.

She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself...  "I'll alter him"

Did you enter marriage with the same heroic determination that you were the answer to changing your spouse? I was spared such delusion because my Dad (Spiritual) had taught me that you cannot change your wife so don’t even try. There are two people key to changing anybody, the person needing change and God. Having been a pastor for some years now I have come to learn that it is true. I cannot change the members in the church. Change only comes when they realize they need to change and they have the necessary tools to make the needed changes.

The people around us are there to help us see tat we do need to change. Conflict and pressure helps us to see that there is a need for adjustments in our lives. Mike Murdock writes in his books 101 Wisdom Principles (Get it if you’ve never read it) Pain is not an enemy, merely an indicator that an enemy exists. So when there is pain in your life don’t just fight the pain, find the source and make some changes. Have ever had a head ache and you get a pain killer which helped manage the pain for a little bit then as the effects of the pain killer begin to wear of the pain returns and you take more tablets and the cycle continues. Well I discovered that some head aches I was getting were because I was not taking in enough water and my digestive system was sending a signal to my head that “hey for things to work better down here we need more fluids”. I could have continued to buy and take in more tablets and create more problems or I could just increase my fluid intake. Get rid of the pain and create a healthy environment for the body to function.

Have you been bust working at changing your spouse hoping the marriage will be better? Have you tried to take your spouse to seminars and couples meetings hoping they will change? You buy a book on overcoming lust and you put it on the dresser hoping he will find it accidentally and read it and be delivered? Well we have all tried one trick or the other to change our spouse. How about this you buy all the books on the hottest sex and the best positions hoping she will read it and surprise you but alas nothing happened. Your spouse was the like the scripture in Malachi “I am your spouse and I change not” you hint about a favorite dish that you want to have and there is no sign that it will ever be cooked. You say, “You know my mom used to cook this curried chicken that I enjoyed so much I always looked forward to it”. Wives have this way of ignoring the thing you really want by giving you something they think you need. Well I am talking about other wives not mine as mine is not like that (Lol) other husbands have this amazing ability to forget what their wives need as if they never heard. Because of the pastoral anointing on me I don’t have that problem. I can see you don’t believe me; well you are right these things are in all marriages and we have to understand that pain is not an enemy merely an indicator that a problem exists.

Let me close by giving you an answer that works and this has worked for me. I put 100% of my change effort into changing me, well let me be honest maybe 80% once in a while I get carnal and I try and change my wife. This leads to frustration on both our parts. Work on you more than any other person, grow yourself develop yourself. Get books that help you and when they have worked on you the change that emanates from there will filter to your spouse osmotically. That’s a new word from osmosis moving from a place of lower concentration to a higher concentration. When change becomes real in you it will move to your spouse. Hypocrisy will turn them away from change so let God do a real work in you and that will draw a change in your spouse. I have heard many spouses say when I saw my husband/wife beginning to grow and walk with God it began challenge me to go higher in my walk with God. A living letter is a powerful letter you cannot debate it.

Another thing that will help is getting into the presence of God together when you come out your hearts a lot more tender to each others needs than when you are dry. The Bible says the Holy Spirit changes us from glory to glory so moments of intimacy with God will enhance intimacy between the two of you.

The last thing I will share with you that will help you see change in your marriage and spouse is a shared vision for a great marriage. What we want to do at “Married and loving it” is to provoke that. I want every person that reads this blog to leave having been provoked that it is possible to be married and love it. Many people today want to have happy marriages but they do not know what it looks like and much less if it is achievable. I want you to know that you and be happily married and enjoy yourself. Follow the wisdom shared here and in many other good books and you will see you marriage going higher.

Crating a shred vision of a happy marriage includes and is not limited to the following

Taking time together to dream and talk and write down what you desire

Reading material that develops and provokes you (like my blog)

Praying about family vision and focus

Developing a vision corner

Doing a self-assessment that helps you t know the areas you need to change in your own life

Following the principles taught in “Success paradigms 101” by Pastor Xtreme (This is currently on offer for free and you can order it via email to Pastorxtreme@gmail.com this is our Christmas gift to you) if you are in the Joburg area we can send it to you by mail but you will have to cover printing and postage costs only. The manual is a step-by-step process of moving your life from where it is to where it should be in any area. Order it now you will be blessed. Full money back guarantee if it does not work. Guaranteed to change your life within 30 days if followed diligently.

Well anyway I just wanted t say “Stop working so hard” enjoy your spouse and let God change them. We love you and see you in the “Married and loving it” corner coming soon to you

Much Love Pastor T and P Xtreme

Build on the positives

Build on the positives

Have ever been in one of those crazy cycles as a couple where you are fighting about everything. You were late, the food was cold, you didn't call, you didn't appreciate me, you didn’t notice my hair etc etc.

Well those moments come to all marriages if that has not happened to you maybe you can contribute to the next blog to help us understand how that can be done.

Often these challenges come because of financial strain or maybe career frustration in some cases spouses feel neglected, unnoticed and insignificant or maybe you feel you are not getting enough… and we think the crazy cycle helps get some attention. In all this I want to highlight one possible solution. If you are to come out of the cycle you will have to ignore the negatives that are taking centre stage.

I have noticed when we go on our cycle with my wife and they are becoming less and far in between as we grow more mature in marriage. It is easier during those times to focus on little weaknesses that become magnified. Things that would normally be overlooked during happy moments become big issues. Its during these moments that my wife will notice the socks I left on the toaster and the pile of books I did not pack after reading. Its during these moment that I notice that the bed was not made just the way I like it, its then that I notice that she kissed me once only in the morning and that we only made love three times that day instead of four times.

Why do we notice all these negatives in the relationship that we normally overlook during good times? Well that’s a good question and before I answer it let me also touch on troubled relationships. Troubled relationships are generally built on a negative environment. A troubled relationship is one where you are more in the crazy cycle than you are in the ''Married and loving it'' cycle. You might need to stop for a moment and look at your own marriage and see the ''married and loving it'' and crazy cycle ratio. You need to work on having more time dedicated to the ''Married and loving it'' side of the.

I have often sat with couples in ''troubled marriages'' and wondered how these people got married if they can sit in front of me and go into detail about how terrible their spouse was and how they were tired of the relationship. These people were inseparable at the courtship stage but now they are worst enemies. What happened? Well its simple the focus changed from the positives that brought them together to the negatives that began to crop up

Great coaches will tell you that you cannot build a great team by working so hard on the weaknesses of the players by that I mean a goal keeper might have a weakness in dribbling and that ok because its not his area of strength. If the coach tells the goalkeeper for the next six weeks you must work on your dribbling no more catching for you. He will create a problem. The keeper will become a better dribbler but not a great one but he will become weaker at catching. So the training program is designed to give him skills in a number of areas but the primary one is ensuring that the other team does not score. On the other hand if the coach gets the striker and gives him catching lessons he will create a problem. Let the striker strike the catcher catch. In marriage find the stuff you are good at or better still what your spouse is good at and build on that especially during the crazy cycles.

What does this mean? If you are to build a great marriage focus on the strengths and not the weaknesses of your souse especially during the low moments. Great marriages are built when we find some positives that we can focus on and develop. There must be something good about your spouse after all you were not under a spell when you married them. Start of with something that you can celebrate even if its “hey honey you have great nails” your attitude stinks right now but your nails are great. Weeellll!!! I suggest you do not say the last part out loud.

When was the last time you had a crazy cycle? Well now you know what to do when it comes. Build on the positives not the negatives. By the way don’t look for the crazy cycles don’t schedule them into your day. But when they do come you are ready.

I have also put in a little assessment tool that has been a help to me I trust it will help you to. If you are unable to access this properly on the blog page send an email request to Pastorxtreme@gmail.com and I can send you a soft copy that you can print and work on. Go green and print back to back. Soon the blog will be on a page that allows you to down load these tools for personal development. Do not that it was created by Lynette Hoy I just added it to the blog because I think it’s a great tool.

We love you and thank you so much for making this blog interesting and worthwhile to do. If I get all the 700 plus people that read this blog weekly requesting the resource it might take about a week to send to you all so be patient with me.

Assessing Your Marriage, How Good Is It?

Marriage Assessment Survey
Complete this inventory to make an initial assessment of your marriage. Rate your satisfaction for each area below from 1-10 where 1= poor; 5=average; 10=excellent.

1. Our physical intimacy is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

2. Our emotional intimacy: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

3. Our spiritual intimacy is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

4. Our recreational togetherness is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

5. The friendship factor in our marriage is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

6. Our communication is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

7. The way we manage conflict is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

8. The way we make decisions is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

9. The way we handle our children is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

10. The way we share responsibility is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

11. The way we socialize together is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

12. The way we interact with our in-laws is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

13. The way we handle finances is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Write out answers to these questions. This is meant to be an activity for assessing your marriage. After scoring  areas 1-13 above - answer the following questions so you can ascertain goals to work on in your relationship. This is best done after both partners complete it. Don't share the scores above but, discuss your answers to the questions below.

1. Which areas of growth are most critical for you? Why?

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

2. Which areas are most critical for your spouse? Why?

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

3. If you were to make 2 requests of your spouse for change, what would you ask? Make these specific and base them on 2 of the above areas of concern.

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

4. If you were to do 2 things to improve your marriage and make your spouse more satisfied, what would you do? Base these on the areas in which you believe your spouse wants you to make changes.

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

5. What can you do this week to make positive change in your marriage?
Examples:
__Start improving my communication by listening to my spouse more intently and demonstrating empathy (read a book below to help you learn these skills)
__Become more involved with household chores
__Participate and initiate more family activities
__Plan a date with my spouse
__Schedule a meeting to plan our budget
__Go to church with my spouse or suggest reading the Bible together once a week (don't pressure your spouse to do this)

Be blessed and share with a friend

Make love a habit Part III

Hello trust you are good and you enjoyed part 1 and 2 of this blog. Enjoy part three it will shake you up and take you higher. These are things we should have learnt in school.

5) Good sex is good for your health.

In the other part we briefly looked at each point now lets look at point 5. (let me go to town with this one) If you want to live long obey the Word and make love often and you will be amazed. Study these biblicaly sound and medically proved points and you will enjoy your marriage. In fact you will be married and loving it.

5.1) Oxygenating the blood, every so often our blood needs to be saturated with oxygen and during love making the heavy breathing increases the oxygen content in your blood and boosts your immune system and helps you to detoxify. Or you could try jogging it gets similar results only the first is very pleasurable.
 

5.2) The production of endorphins helps the body to repair, heal and mend itself it bring happiness and reduces cold and flu infections and helps fight other viral infections. Wow so by making love more often I will be happier and healthier. SO if you are prone to colds and flu’s here is an affordable solution
 

5.3) It helps one sleep better, so the next time sleep is evading you say to your spouse do you want t go get me some sleeping tablets or do you have another solution. These chemicals called hormones control a lot of things that happen in our bodies. Have the right quantity of these hormones helps your body functions well. Imbalances can cause problems for you.
 

5.4) Testosterone (a hormone dominant in men) helps men to have stronger bones and to have the strong masculine look and the deep voice and beards and so on. So more sex will result in a stronger healthier body. You can save your medical bills by having a great sex life.
 

5.5) Endorphins & other hormones that are released during hot sex and orgasm act as a pain reliever, no more head ache excuses. Period pains and even long uncomfortable periods can be managed better by having a great sex life. Did you know its hormones that tell your body its time to start the period and depending on the levels of estrogen and progesterone the can be a long or short period. Other hormones will help reduce pain and others help control your emotions so you can say good-bye to the post menstruation depression. Note a lot of the hormonal production and control happens around your sexuality. Have you ever wondered why doctors prescribe birth control tablets to single women having problems with period pains? Well all they are doing is increasing the amount of estrogen or progesterone in your system, it is the imbalance of these hormones that cause ovulation, fertility and menstruation. So when your hormones are controlled they control a lot of other body function.
 

5.6) Frequent sex and ejaculation reduces the chances of having prostrate cancer in men and cervical cancer in women. The fluid flushes are good and help control a lot of disease
 

5.7) Frequent lovemaking helps reduce stress. Have you ever noticed that the you deny your husband sex the more he wants it and the less you give him the more stressed he is. The more you give him the less stressed he will be and its easier o ask him to accompany you to the mall and so on.
 

5.8) Regular lovemaking increases women’s estrogen levels that protect her heart and keep vaginal tissues suppler. That increases sexual pleasure for them both but it makes childbirth easier as you dilate faster and reduce chances of tearing. Low estrogen causes toughness in vaginal tissue and more pain at childbirth. (You choose Gods way or the other way)
 

5.9) Good sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles. This means you can keep things tight between the two of you and grab him in ways that make him scream. I’ll leave it there. This also help you have a better delivery of a baby
 

5.10) You avoid adultery hence you will live long. If you are both full and satisfied food from the neighbors does not draw your attention. But you are hungry even the food from the streets catches your attention.

6) Good sex is great exercise that addresses every part of your body. Doctors say you burn about 7500calories a year if you make love 3 times a week equivalent to
Jogging 75 miles. Again you choose, jogging is good but…
All good exercise releases endorphins and testosterone and of course you know what that means. Women have very small amount of testosterone as well though it is dominant in men.
 

7) LOVEMAKING bonds you together with your spouse in ways that nothing else will oxytocin (bonding hormone) is released when couple are in foreplay all the way till after they climax. It is a desire-enhancing chemical produced by the pituitary that will increase your desire for each other (see previous blog for more)

8) A healthy sex life boosts self-confidence
People with good sexual relations are more confident and bolder in making public presentations. Wow God is good He is an awesome designer don’t deprive yourself of all these great benefits and accrue doctors bills and counseling sessions by depriving one another.

2. Sex is of God
Gen 2:24-25 MSG Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. (25) The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. God is the mastermind behind human anatomy not the big bang

3. Sex is spiritual
1Co 6:16 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." (Add vs. 17)
1 Corinthians 7 vs. 1-10
It is more than the physical being joined but you hearts and souls. He that is joined to a harlot is one with her. That’s scary

4. You must have/develop sexual affection
1 Corinthians 7 Verse 2-3
Gen 26:8 MSG One day, after they had been there quite a long time, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac fondling his wife Rebekah.
Songs of Solomon 7 (message bible)
This takes us to part one of the blog. Make love a habit

5. Avoid excuses (sexcuses)
1 Corinthians 7 Verse 4-5
No back aches head aches or “Sorry honey I’m going to pray…” or Oh the children…
Be determined to satisfy your partner sexually. Think & pray about being more creative in meeting their needs

6. Maintain honor & sexual purity
Sexual satisfaction in marriage is one of the best safeguards against infidelity
•    Stay in the Word & PRAYER
•    Stay full of the Holy Spirit
•    Be selective about entertainment 1 Thessalonians 5 vs. 21-23
•    Develop healthy covenant relationships
•    Be wise avoid traps
•    If you have messed up repent

7. Sex is pleasurable
Proverbs 5 vs. 15-20
•    Satisfy your spouses needs
•    Have transparent talk
•    Plan your sex life
•    Be creative and explore one another
•    Surprise one another
•    Be determined, never give up

Shall we explore this one more in the next blog?
Wow that was a mouthful perhaps lets stop here and take a break. If your wife has not read this then think of a way to candidly get her to read the article if you put it on her pillow you hint might be to loud. As a pastor I can often tell that the problem we are trying to solve can easily be fixed by prescribing some hormonal injections but we are not allowed to do that so go ahead produce your own hormones.

God bless you

Make love a habit Part II

Make love a habit Part II

I hope you were ministered by part one of make love a habit if so get ready to be blown away by part two. Well maybe not blown away but blessed encouraged and discombobulated. I know you will love it.

I remember on a certain day a few years ago we were given the task of taking a young girl to a medical center for some attention. As we sat in the reception area habit kicks in and I pick up a lifestyle magazine and began to browse. I am not sure about other men but my eye has an amazing ability to see the word SEX any where on a page even if its written backwards. So an article entitled “Good sex helps in public speaking” catches my attention. I was like wow I always knew that sex has some wonderful things about it besides babies. The article was talking about how a good sex life boosts the confident factor in couples that made love frequently with great satisfaction. It went on to say that those involved in public speaking like politicians, salesmen, pastors etc tended to do a better job when this department was in order. They were more convincing, more eloquent and much clearer. They could articulate themselves better. You can imagine my excitement I turned to my wife and & showing her the article hoping to hear her say ''Oh my that’s awesome soon as we get home we will develop your ministerial abilities'' but not at all. You know how ladies respond to these articles.

My spirit was not dampened at all I began to research this subject with passion because I obviously wanted to be a better speaker, teacher and pastor. I did not want people that knew this principle to sit in church on a day when my sermon was not so moving and say ''I think there must have been a challenge last night''

The following is a result of some of the research that I have found and used in my own life and in the lives of those that we have counseled and guess what it works. Now my secret to great preaching is out.

When you have mastered part one of this blog ''Making love a habit'' you will set a good foundation for a better loving making life and you will see amazing results in every area of your life. Keep reading

Why is there such a fuss in the world about sex and sexuality? The devil realized that he could exploit a certain facet of mankind that seemed to be ignored by the church and use that to bring harm. Sex is overrated by the world and underrated by the church. What is the middle of the road approach? If the bible were to be made into a movie without editing some scenes it would be a no under 18 movie. God speaks about sex freely and profusely in the Bible because it is a key component to human life. In fact it affects every area of your life more than any other. Sex will affect your performance in the market place, your joy and wealth, your health and social interaction, your longevity and vitality and so on. I want to share with you some of these nugget’s that I discovered as I researched on this amazing subject.

You neglect to make love a habit to your own peril; it has been proved for example that a great sex life helps to increase your financial stability as couple. Great marriages were discovered to be a common trait among some of the wealthiest people in the world saved and not saved. A greater percent of the people on the Forbes wealthy list are on their first marriage. Wealth often seems to diminish when there is infidelity and divorce.

Why is sex so important? Well besides the fact that God created it and made us sexual beings lets look at it from a medical perspective.

Please read this with an open mind and heart sex was after all created by the mastermind plan of God. I always laugh to think that God is watching.

Lets talk about sex.
 

What does the bible say?
1. Sex is Good
Please forgive me for using the word sex loosly here I prefer “Making love” so keep that in mind as you read.

Hebrews 13:4 MSG Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.

Also read. Proverbs 5 vs. 15-20 (message bible) and 1 Corinthians 7 vs. 1

What are the benefits of a healthy mutually rewarding enjoyable electric sex life? (Psalm 68: 19)

1) A good sex life glorifies God (I like this so as part of family worship you know what to do now)
2) It will bring Gods blessing because of obedience (as you do the Word)
3) It will help you achieve higher levels of intimacy spiritually and bring unity and synergy (where there is unity God commands the blessing)

4) Good sex brings joy to the heart (you should look at couples faces as they walk into church)
You can often see happy couples by measuring the joy. Good sex reduces depression

5) Good sex is good for your health.

Well I have to stop here for now will post part two later. It will bless you watch out for it

"Make love" a habit

Married and loving it

''Make love a habit''

Making love a habit is a sure way to invest into your marriage in a way that is fun and enjoyable. The little love things you do for and to each other are a way of creating bonds that will enhance the love experience. Making love a habit will result in you making love more often and with greater electrical results. Have you ever heard of oxytocin, well its a hormone that baffled doctors for a while as they tried to determine its purpose. They discovered that couples that touch, cuddle and have extended periods of foreplay release more oxytocin than other couples that neglect doing this.

So think about it and ask yourself the question; are we producing enough oxytocin in our marriage? Well what’s the fuss about this oxytocin? The word does not even sound nice it sounds like a chemical in a lab. Well I encourage you to learn a little bit about this and other hormones in your body. Its amazing how important hormones are in the proper function of our bodies and yet we know so little about them and how they are produced. A number of medical challenges we face in life are a result of hormonal imbalances or the lack of certain hormones.

7) LOVEMAKING bonds you together with your spouse in ways that nothing else will oxytocin (bonding hormone) is released when couple are in foreplay all the way till after they climax. It is a desire-enhancing chemical produced by the pituitary that will increase your desire for each other (notes from premarital teaching)
Doctors were perplexed by this hormone simply because it seemed to have no other purpose except enhancing a desire for your spouse and helping woman to initiate contractions at during delivery or lactation. In fact it is sometimes called the bonding hormone, it causes couples to desire being together and bonds them to each other. Follow the link below to learn more about oxytocin.

http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/

Here is the interesting thing when you desire each other, you will do things that cause you to produce more oxytocin and you will desire each other more. In other words there is a compounding desire and bonding factor that kicks in. In other words you will desire each other with interest (pun intended)

Couples that do not touch, hug and cuddle often and make love to each other but just have sex (there is a big difference) tend to bond less and miss each other less and this results in a drying up of the ''in love experience'' in the marriage. Animals have sex, which is the act of two similar species exchanging seed with the purpose of reproducing others like themselves. Making love on the other hand is the act of meeting the need of sexual stimulation and gratification in your spouse’s life. Notice this goes beyond reproduction. This is primarily focused on the expression of human sexuality in the confines of marriage. Remember humans are as sexual as they are spiritual, cognitive, relational, consumptive and emotional beings. We all have a need to worship, think, eat, connect, build communities and relate with others. We need to feel love and express love, we need to make love to and be made love to.

This is a sensitive topic in the church circles because we do not like to admit that we are sexual beings and this causes problems. Once you admit this, then you will be free to develop your sexuality so that it is a blessing to you and your spouse.

All humans are sexual beings. God gave us the tools for that and our whole body is wired to be responsive to sexual stimulation that has thousands of benefits.

I personally believe that only married couples can make love and all other people have sex. I also believe that the highest level of sexual fulfillment can only be experienced by Christians under certain conditions but that’s a lesson for another day.

What is oxytocin?

It is a hormone produced by the pituitary gland in the human body

What is its purpose?

Its main known purpose is to create a desire and bond between couples. It also helps in lactation (producing and releasing milk in nursing mothers) and in contractions during labor.

How can we produce more?

By making love a habit. When the breasts are stimulated during foreplay and when a baby is sucking the amount of oxytocin in the blood increases

I encourage couples to touch, pet, and hug and cuddle often, as this will build the bond between them. ''And Abimalech saw Isaac fondling with his wife'' wow I love this scripture its just as anointed as ''I heard a voice saying come up hither''

Read songs of Solomon you will be blessed. I know some people are really deep and all they see in this book is the union of Christ and the Church and that is true, but it is also directly addressing marriage. You will have amazing revelation of Christ and the Church when your marriage is great and you will also have a revelation of hell if your marriage is a mess. When you understand this principle your marriage will go to new heights of dizzying orgasm and fun and there will be a second coming and a third and...

You will be rushing home after work because you have made love a habit.

Steps to making love a habit

1. Desire to have a love filled marriage

2. Speak life into the marriage even if its not looking good right now

3. Begin a daily routine of touching, cuddling, kissing and hugging. Its not custom for people of color to do it but hold hands in the mall, at church and as you drive. Increase the contact time. Fight and play often (play fighting not real fights) be open and transparent in your communication of how you want to be held, hugged kissed etc. Don't be afraid to tell him ''Oh yes that’s it I like that yes right there ahhh'' please note that some of this might be strange at first but the more you do it he easier it becomes until its instinctive like blinking. You never say to yourself ''its time to blink'' this is what I mean by making love a habit.

4. Be sensitive to both verbal and none verbal communication from your spouse. Don't continue doing things that bring discomfort.

5. Schedule love moments, where you take time to be creative about investing into the love habits of your marriage. Share a shower (you'll save water and electricity. Unless something happens in there and you come out an hour later) invest time together. This is an invaluable truth that is working wonders for my marriage. Pastoring is a busy job and neglect is a trap a lot of pastors fall into. We counsel everybody else at our own expense.

6. Don't give up if it does not work the first time. Remember you fell of a bike when you were learning but you got on again. You will soon discover the right way to do things.

7. Pray about it. God is the author of marriage. Have you ever done something with your spouse and you thought God would be surprised. Well he knows it all including the stuff you don't know. Ask him for some tips and you will be surprised.

Well go and do this and I can guarantee your money back if it fails. Give yourself to this totally and reap amazing results. Make love a habit and you will be married and loving it.

I would like to thank Ndumiso and Methu Dube that are a shining example of Making love a habit. They are always touching and loving each other while I am preaching. Their marriage inspired my marriage and this blog.

Married and loving it: Your wife is good ground

Married and loving it: Your wife is good ground: “Your wife is good ground” Please read these few verses and lets discuss them a little today as we continue to build great marriages. Can ...

Your wife is good ground

“Your wife is good ground”

Please read these few verses and lets discuss them a little today as we continue to build great marriages. Can I begin by testifying about the goodness of the Lord in my life. My marriage has just been so blessed by God in that we are discovering each other afresh and it is awesome. We have just returned from our second honeymoon as we celebrated our ninth anniversary. Wow it was awesome; we were at a lovely beachfront resort in Kilifi Mombasa in Kenya. There wee no televisions in the rooms and on one desk top in the reception with Internet access.

Now you can imagine a person like me who loves serving (not on the ocean) and blogging and ministering on social networks and there I am with little connection to the outside world and just my wife. Wow it was a time of learning loving and growing. We had lots of fun you should have been there or maybe I’m glad you were not there. I began to realize that we need to sew more into each other as a couple because you become aware of the investments that you have made into each other over time.
The principle of the seed

Genesis 8 vs. 22 While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.”

Galatians 6 vs. 7 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

I want to share very briefly on a principle known to many believers but often ignored when it comes to marriage. The principle of seedtime and harvest. When God put man in the garden He made it clear that whatever will happen on the planet is mans responsibility. This still applies today and if we ignore the means that God has given us to determine where we end up we will suffer the consequences. Every living thing has the ability to reproduce itself infact all things can reproduce after their kind. Look at the seed principle in creation.

Genesis 1 vs. 11 And God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants5 yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, on the earth.” And it was so. 12 The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed according to their own kinds, and trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening and there was morning, the third day.

I know that this principle has often been preached by angry pastors that are trying to get us to give more and that does apply but in this article I want to write as a friend say to you “You determine the kind of marriage you have by the type of seed you sew into your wife” in Africa it is prevalent that a husband wanting a son will beat his wife who is continually delivering girls. It is unfortunate that he does not realize that it is his fault not hers because it is the man who determines the gender of a child not the wife. Much in the same way men need to sew the right seeds into their wife if they are to build great marriages. Every action has seed in it that will produce fruit after its kind.

Man if you are not happy with your marriage it’s a result of seed that has been sewn into your marriage and into your wife. You need to be a good gardener in order to have a great marriage. If you sew anger, bitterness, grudges, moods, grumpiness, stinginess, verbal abuse and so on you will not have a great marriage. Do not be deceived whatsoever a man sews that shall he reap. Your wife was designed by God to be a woman “womb man” man with a womb or the capacity to carry, nurture and develop seed that is placed in her womb. In the same way you give her a microscopic sperm and she gives you a 3 KG baby when you give her a microscopic attitude or negative word about her hair or weight she will give back to you a good measure pressed down, shaken together and running over.

The opposite is also true when you sew love, kindness, gifts, attention, quality time, a hug here and there, a romantic poetic message or email you will reap great rewards. We will see you rushing home after work or even over lunch because its harvest time. Get in the habit of sewing good seed all the time because your wife is good ground. She can take your dream and vision and business and nurture it and make it great. But of course this requires that you be one of those people that has “Discovered your spouse” read the previous blog.

Marriages that disintegrate and fall apart do so because there was seed that was sewn that is producing that harvest, or maybe seed that was not sewn. Nature hates vacuums and will always fill them. Have you ever wondered who goes around sewing weeds? Well they just grow and when husbands do not take time to sew good seed you will find a harvest of thorns growing and there will be a lot of pain. Sometimes we do not take our place as husbands and we let soap operas sew the seed of pain and seduction and gossip. As the leader determine what seed is sewn in your home. If there has been a lot of bad seed sewn do not despair be determined to make a change and star today. It may take some time but it’s worth the investment. Give her a call and tell her you love her, even if she responds with suspicion and says are you ok? Are you dying? Have you lost your job? It will take her time to get used to good seed being sewn but when harvest comes you will be a happy man.

To be married and love it you need to sew good seed and your wife is good ground. God bless you my wife and I love each other and we love you we pray that as you read these blog you will be ministered to. Let build great marriages as we learn from each other. If you have time here is a little exercise that you can do alone or with your spouse, if you do not have the time then you are in trouble already. Ask the following questions and write the answers down in your “Married and loving it” journal.

1.    What seed have I been sewing into the marriage (my wife)?
2.    What seed should I be sewing that I have neglected?
3.    What harvest have I been seeing that I do not like?

Remember some seed will only produce results later in life so be careful in dealing with these question they are very important. God bless you 

I would still choose you!!!

A Love POEM

Here is a little poem I wrote for my honey, my chocolate my sweetheart my world
We have been married for nine years and we have known each other for ten years. Its been heaven on earth with some attacks that we have overcome. Deuteronomy 11 vs. 21. I remember sitting with my wife and discussing about some things that we were not happy about and we listed them down and looked Exodus when Go says these Egyptians that you see now you will see no more. We declared that day that these things are over. I am glad we did that when some of those Egyptians try and raise their ugly heads I remind them. But this is a poem to celebrate my sweet heart who has been a great blessing to be over the last nine years of our life.

I would still choose you!!!
I took time to think, “I would still choose you!”
As I sat in bed in the early hours of the morning
My mind became a blank canvas on which to paint the picture of our love story
For a picture can speak a thousand words
The joys we've had the pain we've shared
Moments of laughter moments of pain
The sudden embrace in the closet
The gentle shoulder massage in the office while working on a stressful assignment
Words shared with depth and warmth
Looking into you eyes and hearing the words ''I love you''
Twas like a frozen frame on a camera
A fleeting kiss on a warm summer night
I thought of our love, our marriage, our past our future our joy our hopes and I realized if I had to do it again I would still choose you

The day our hearts looked into each other’s eye I knew then that this was it.
The day have been busy the nights short
When evening comes our energies spent
I sit there and wonder where the day went
The comfort of your undying love always in my mind
 I smile as I lie next to you and think tomorrow is coming
Another day
Another opportunity
To love you again and if I had to do it again I would still chose you
The only thing to change is I would love you as if there were no tomorrow give you my heart as though there was never any sorrow
Live every moment in the now
Ever present ever there and still glad I chose you

Discover your spouse Part 2

Married and loving it.

Discovering your spouse Part 2

Hi there welcome back to “Married and Loving it” in our last blog which by the way has had the greatest hits in the shortest time on all the marriage blog we spoke about discovering your spouse as a key to enjoying your marriage. It is so true that when you discover the anointing they carry as a husband or wife you will enjoy them more, there will be less fights and difference. An example most people have no problem receiving counsel and advise and even a rebuke and correction from their pastor because they believe that this a man of God representing God in their life. Now let me say something that might be deemed dangerous. Did you know your spouse is the most important person to you in this world, not your pastor? If that is true do you think God failed to put something of value in them beyond being a source of sexual satisfaction?

They carry an anointing that will make your every dream come true, they are designed by God to complement, complete, fulfill and satisfy every need that is humanly possible in your life (There is a God factor that no human being can fill) So when you discover that anointing like you discover the anointing on your pastor you are ready to make. The challenge you will face is that of familiarity which by the way breeds contempt. Have you ever seen couples trying to navigate themselves to a holiday resort and they get lost (by the way Garmen {GPS} have solved this problem) and you now have two drivers? Or have you seen a husband trying to teach his wife to drive? Wow that is always a challenge. Because you are familiar with each other its difficult to take instructions from each other. Even if the husband is a better driver than the instructor the wife wants to be an instructor of the instructor. Anyway back to the scripture. 

Ecclesiastes 9 vs. 9 Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Take note that God say’s “enjoy life” that means its possible to enjoy it; He goes on to say “with the wife you love” wow so you can be married and love it.

If God says live happily with your WIFE it is possible. If you marriage is not good then you need to take stock of your life and see what you are not doing right. Your wife not just a woman if you treat her that way you will be violating some fundamental laws. There are principles that govern marriage. Happy marriages come by what you know and do.
1 Peter 3 vs. 7

If you are to have a great marriage there are certain things that you need to know about your spouse. Study your wife and deal with her in knowledge. Know stuff about her that is hidden under the make up.

God made us different so that we can need each other and fulfill each other. Imagine a wall plug and a socket fighting about their difference in shape; one has to fit in the other. The same is true in marriage one has to fit in the other “pun intended” imagine if anatomically you were the same, there would be no drive or desire to be together unless you are gay. Now if this is true from a physical perspective perhaps this truth applies to the emotional and psychological factor of the relationship. Your difference is a point of celebration and not contention. Enjoy the differences the same way you look at you wife’s body and are intrigued at Gods amazing creativity. Lol

Women were created to be that way so that marriage can work. They complete life for us remember she was taken out of man therefore when you find her you are complete, therefore you should celebrate her otherwise your life would be a grayscale life no color no flavor, no variety. She brings the shape, the softness the fresh fragrance the warmth. Now if you have not discovered this you would interpret it to be competition and lack of submission, you would think she is too emotional and too talkative and that she takes too long in the shopping mall. But guess what that’s how she is supposed to be.

Here is what the Bible says you must do as a husband if you are to enjoy your marriage. Give her honor as unto a weaker vessel, not because she is weaker but the way you handle some of value. The next time she is taking a shower check on her bum you will see that it is written “Fragile, handle with care, This way up and do not put anything on top. Contents may break”

Realize that she is Gods daughter and you do not want to have an angry father in law. Honor her in speech and in conduct, what you say and do to here privately and publicly should honor her and place her high in your life. Some men think by pulling down their wife they look good. I have no respect for men that dishonor their wives in any way. Failure to comply will lead to unanswered prayer; the success of your prayer life is dependent on your attitude towards your wife

Failure to recognize your wife as a team player you limit what you will achieve. From Gods perspective you and your wife are equal you are both equal heirs of the kingdom. The blessedness of life is seen in your wife and in the things that God has deposited in her that you need to discover. I read a book called acres of diamonds and it teaches of a man who sold his farm to pursue a land that had diamonds, it was discovered after his death as a discouraged recluse that the farm he had was filled with diamonds. The moral of the story is we often want to go far to get something that will make us successful when we have a diamond mine in our bedroom. You just have to mine and discover the diamonds. I heard a story that happened in a neighboring country where they found an awesome reserve of diamonds in their back yards. Suddenly the community saw the army coming and blocking of their homes and the stones they were using to shot birds with were priceless diamonds.

How many of us have great treasures hidden in our spouses that we have never taken time to explore and exploit in a positive way. There are some men that I know would be better of had they taken time to listen to their wives. Remember she is a helper she is gifted with all the necessary tools to help you achieve the God-given vision.

In the third and final part of “Discover your spouse I will list some of the Giftings that you need to look out for that will help you as a man. Do watch out for the third part. God bless you  

Married and loving it: Discovering your spouse Part 1

Married and loving it: Discovering your spouse Part 1: Married and loving it Discovering my spouse Part 1 Hi welcome to this article on ''Married and loving it'' I trust you are growing in yo...

Discovering your spouse Part 1

Married and loving it
 

Discovering my spouse Part 1

Hi welcome to this article on ''Married and loving it'' I trust you are growing in your marriage as you follow this blog. My wife and I are so excited to be able to share each article with you as we feel a part of your life. We desire to share our life and experiences with you so that we can be a blessing to you. But more than that we want to share the Word of God with you because that is the firm foundation for building great marriages. I shared in a past blog about how that God spoke to me from Proverbs 18 vs. 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. God clearly said to me it is the discovery of the anointing hidden in the beautiful body that is the wife. Therefore when you discover her you discover a part of your life that will complete you and cause you to walk in the fullness of your assignment. Unfortunately a lot of men never get to find a wife even after being married for many years.

A survey was done that proved that most men achieve significant success after the age of forty not because of the old adage that life begins at forty. Because a majority of men only discover the power of the woman at that time they often miss out on the benefits of being married. It is believed that our wives are supposed to bring inspiration and motivation that takes the man to levels of achievement that are beyond normal. But at the earlier stages of the man’s life he is not aware that God has given him a handbook of success. Taking your wife seriously will work for your good. Notice the verse says you obtain favor when you find a wife, if this referred to just the act of being married it would mean a lot of men would be walking in favor but it is the discovery of the hidden treasure of the wife anointing that takes your life to another level.

Now this is where it gets interesting, often when the husband discovers the wife she is able to also discover herself the man has the responsibility of making the woman what she is supposed to be. Read Ephesians 5 vs. 24-28 and you will see the picture of the church and Christ and the connection of that and marriage. Husbands do the washing and the cleansing the same way Christ works on the church. While meditating on this remember Abigail and her husband the fool. In 1st Samuel chapter 10 we read this amazing story of a beautiful woman who was of good understanding but she was married to a fool. This was probably according to Jewish culture a fixed marriage. But the fool never discovered the wife and he lost her and his life because of his foolishness. The story could have had a different ending had he been wise and conducted himself differently. Hid empire could have increased and his influence been established into David’s government.

Well in this series I wan to help you go on a journey that will help you discover each other as husband and wife so that you can walk together better and get amazing results in your life. With these principles you will enjoy your spouse and the marriage and you will see an accumulation of wealth and resources. God said you obtain favor when you find a wife. There must be something awesome hidden in there tha gets Gods attention and causes him to release favor in your life, what is it? Remember God’s words “It is not good for man to be alone (all one) God made a helper suitable for man and that opened the door for the favor to flow.

Compare Proverbs 18 vs. 22 with Proverbs 8 vs. 35, the result is the same but the first part is different. Or is it? Chapter 8 is talking about wisdom and understanding while chapter 18 is talking about a wife, could it be that there is a relationship between these two? To handle a wife the bible tells us to do it with understanding. I want to propose to you that God is telling you and me as husbands that as we develop some understanding in handling our spouses we will develop some skills in making life work. From observation I have seen that men that handle their wives well are more successful in life (please note that success is relative but I am talking about the godly picture of wholesome success in all areas of life) When a couple come to me struggling financially 99% of the time it can be traced back to some disharmony in the marriage.

Ecclesiastes 9 vs. 9 Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Take not that God say’s “enjoy life” that means its possible to enjoy it. He goes on to say “with the wife you love” wow so you can be married and love it. If God says live happily with your WIFE it is possible, if you marriage is not good then you need to take stock of your life and see what you are not doing right. Your wife not just a woman if you treat her that way you will be violating some fundamental laws. There are principles that govern marriage. 

Happy marriages come by what you know and do. What do you know and do for your spouse that qualifies you for a great life.
1 Peter 3 vs. 7. Deal with your wife with understanding and give her honor. Wow that's awesome there is no person I honor on earth like I do my wife. She shapes my world, gives it color and flavor. She sets the temperature in the home and makes life livable. Now if a wife is that important how is it that men do not give the necessary honor to their wives. Don't be a Nabal, he refused his wifes advise and messed up his life. The level of wealth you will enjoy is determined by your marriage. Reseach has shown that the most successful men and wealthiest men in the world are in their first mariiage and they have good marriages.

If you are to have a great marriage there are certain things that you need to know about your spouse. Study your wife and deal with her in knowledge. Know stuff about her that is hidden under the make up.

Well I have to stop here for today look out for part 2 as we continue our investigation.

Married and loving it: Have you found your wife?

Married and loving it: Have you found your wife?: "“Married and loving it” Hi trust you are well and enjoying your marriage. Its been a while since I posted anything here. I am loving my wi..."

Have you found your wife?

“Married and loving it”

Hi trust you are well and enjoying your marriage. Its been a while since I posted anything here. I am loving my wife as best I know how and I think she is doing her best as well. I had a moment the other day as I was meditating on marriage and how to make it even better than it is right now. I began to think on what I normally teach at weddings and asking does it really work? Has it worked for me? Is it working for the couples we have ministered to?

Please note that this blog is not for the faint hearted man but for the man who wants to see change in his life and marriage. Proceed with caution.

Well those are good questions don’t you think? We often use John chapter two the wedding in Cana of Galilee and Proverbs 18 vs. 22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord. Have you ever wondered what God is saying to us here? Well as I meditated on this the other day the Lord said to me “notice the favor comes when you find a wife” that struck me firstly because its so obvious but also because there was something I saw for the first time I want to share that with you.

Finding a body to marry is the work of another body but the discovery of the wife hidden in the body is the work of the spirit man guided by the Holy Spirit. You see inside of every woman is an anointing designed to make certain things to happen here in the world. Remember Adam in Genesis chapter 2 we find God making woman from a rib taken out of Adam and she was made (designed equipped, anointed) to help Adam achieve his assignment. In other words without her Adam would have been limited in what he could accomplish. God said it is not good for man to be alone lets make a helper suitable for him.

In other words she had in her what was needed for Adam to be complete. Every wife comes custom made to assist you to achieve the God given vision that is inside you. You ignore your wife to your own peril or destruction, to call your wife stupid, useless dull or to treat her with disrespect is an insult on the fool that married such a woman. Now really the woman is not a fool she is a treasure waiting to be discovered by a wise man (look at Proverbs 8) if you as a man are not able to discover the wife hidden behind the sexy body you will be limited in what you can do in life. He that finds a wife… the wife has got to be searched for and found. You have to discover her by constant pursuit.

It took me many years before this truth began to dawn on me and when God spoke to me this the other day I was totally blown away. I got married on the 31st of August had sex for the first time in my life on the 1st of September 2003 but it was not until we moved to South Africa in 2005 that it began to dawn on me that this beautiful body had a gift for me inside. Its life getting a birthday present of a lap top and its your first time to see one. You will think wow what a nice thing and you put it on your display cabinet. For years you look at it and admire it shape and beautiful finish. You run your fingers over the buttons with sheer pleasure and remember the person who gave you the gift. One day you accidentally press the power button and the screen comes on and you are amazed that “hey there is another side to this gift that I did not know” this will send you on a quest to find out what else can this thing do.

You might think I am exaggerating Napoleon Hill author of the renowned book think and grow rich has a whole chapter in the book about sex and its ability to influence our lives. When I read this it fit in so much to what God was showing me in the scripture.
 I quote “The emotion of sex has back of it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:-
1. The perpetuation of mankind.
2. The maintenance of health, (as a therapeutic agency, it has no equal).
3. The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.
Sex transmutation is simple and easily explained. It means the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires. When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times."

He goes on in latter part of the chapter to say that most men, great inventors, doctors, scientist etc hit their peek in life at an average age of forty and this was synonymous with the maturation of their sexuality with their wife (not just any woman) those that divorced their wife began to see a significant decline in the measure of success they experienced. What am I saying? “Your wife is your key to success” if you do not discover her and develop her and learn to connect with her you will remain in mediocrity.

Think again what the scripture says “he that finds a wife finds a good thing” (Note; the good thing is not the marriage to a person with breasts and eye lashes and a smile but it’s the wife that is hidden in the body and it’s the covenant you enter into) the wife must be found if there is to be the favor that come from the Lord. The favor is released on the finding the wife not signing the register perse.
There are many men that found a sexy body and a beautiful smile but never found the wife. I have met many men whose total focus in their marriage was the body and not the person (wife) within. You know you have not yet fully found the wife if you are always arguing with her and not taking advise that she offers, if you belittle and undermine her contribution, if you do not seek her wisdom and advise on matters. She has the ability to see things that you are not designed to see. They tell us that women use both sides of their brain to process information while men use one side (that explains a lot doesn’t it?) they are multi taskers we are focused, they are colorful we operate in grey scale, they can talk to you, check on the kids send an email on their black berry and notice the slim woman with a weave and a pink dress all at the same time when you are struggling to hear them. Now tell me you do not need them.

Can I close by using one last example to illustrate my point? As the man you carry the vision of the future (seed in your loins that are manufactured every day in the billions) you determine their gender and a lot of other things. She has a set number of eggs in her body waiting to be fertilized by your seed an egg is released every month waiting to make a baby (desired future reality) when not fertilized the egg is released. When conception takes place its because she received something from you that she will nurture inside of her and it will take shape over nine months and one day a baby is born. She has gone through all kinds of changes and adjustments to make this happen she sacrificed for your pleasure.

Now lets bring it home. Inside of you is the vision you are dreaming about (a business, a church, a school, a home etc) your ability to develop this inside of you and release this vision at the right time under the right conditions into a womb ready for you will determine the result (that is why fornication, adultery and rape is wrong you are planting seed into an unprepared and unreceptive garden) she will receive that seed and nurture it and develop it and at the right time will begin to bring forth that which you planted in her.

If a girl comes out don’t fight her because she developed what you placed in her. Its like kicking your garden for producing carrots when you were expecting lettuce, what seed did you plant. Now remember Genesis 1 vs. 26-28 the Genesis principle of multiplication. God made Adam all one and that was why He said its not good for him to be alone he could not multiply because there was no place to plant the seed. He had to have a place to plant seed in order to be fruitful. Fruitfulness is the result of processes being activated that cause a little thing to be grown into something useful. So Adam knew his wife (made love with) and she conceived and bore Cain and again she bore Abel, Bible scholars say they were twin because she conceived once and bore twice that’s fruitful. What they bore grew and multiplied in number and filled the whole earth and they subdued and dominated though in a wrong way so God started again with Noah and gave the same instruction Genesis 9 vs. 1 “Be fruitful and multiply” this time it was easy because there were three couples representing the next generation that were ready to do the work. The greatness of Noah was hidden in the next generation that was going to make the vision a reality.

Look at Genesis 9 vs. 18-19 the whole earth was to be dispersed or populated by the work of these three couples. They had a big task but if they were able to find the wife they were gong to fulfill the task. If you read chapter 10 you will see that they did fulfill their task. If you are going to become great man of God you need to find the wife hidden in that wonderful woman that you married. There is greatness there which maybe has not been discovered and utilized. Take time to know her and study her and bring out the wife. You will be happy that you did because you will find favor with the Lord. I hope you have been helped with these notes I will be doing further teaching on this so we can lay good foundations for great marriages.

Married and loving it
Pastor Xtreme

For extra reading look through the following scriptures and meditate on them.

Proverbs 19 vs. 14
Proverbs 12 vs. 4
Proverbs 8 vs. 1-36 (particularly vs. 32-36)

Married and loving it: A Great story

Married and loving it: A Great story: "A very touching story………………… Read and let God minister to you. I was so touched I was almost in tears at this story, God bless you as you s..."

A Great story

A very touching story…………………
Read and let God minister to you. I was so touched I was almost in tears at this story, God bless you as you seek to build a great marriage. Remember the intimate moments are important.
MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Why?
 

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
 

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
 

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
 

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, its time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
 

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said; I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
 

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, and the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
 A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A
LIFETIME.

“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

If your marriage is headed this way call us, email us, talk to a pastor somewhere. Its not too late you can make a difference in your marriage there is an answer. We love you and we are willing to stand with you and walk you through a restoration process so you can be “Married and love it” Marriage is supposed to be a blessing and the Word of God can help.