After having done the recent blog ''Lessons from the harlot'' I came to the realization that there are many people that are crying for help. I used to think that its just men only but with responses I got I now know that this cry is from both groups. “Pastor help me I am in the grip of the harlot”, one seeking sexual satisfaction outside of a covenant with some one or something that is seeking material or monetary gain.
There are many people whose lives are tormented by the guilt and shame that goes along with this sinful habit. Living in a nation where ''commercial sex workers'' as they call them are on the verge of being made registered entrepreneurs I have seen how this thing messes up homes. Television stations are fighting to have 24hr pornography channels, Internet porn, Johannesburg alone boasts of having several hundreds of thousands of harlots available at your disposal.
What hope is there for our homes and marriages that are under such severe demonic attack? Well I have good news for you if you are crying out for help. There is an answer for you in the Word of GOD. I am not in any way using nice sounding words to deceive you this is fact.
What can I do if the harlot has got me by the neck and I can see my marriage is on the verge of total collapse? What do I do when I see my husband is watching inappropriate material on television or on the Internet and when he comes to bed he expects me to do things that erode my personal value and self worth? Can I break free from my addiction, I want to be free but I find myself back there doing what I know is wrong only to repent later and go through the same cycle again.
Sexual sin is subtle in its approach but very binding once you are in and the consequences are absolutely devastating. In this blog please allow me to address the married people seeing this is their blog, secondly do note that I am a pastor therefore my approach in all I do is biblical.
1st Corinthians 6 vs. 12 message Bible Paul’s says “Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that its spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims.” This sounds like a lot of people I speak to. Questions like what is wrong with watching pornography in my country its legal, what is wrong with being gay? Even the government says its fine. You are a slave my brother or sister and Jesus can set you free.
As a young couple in our 2nd year of marriage we were approached by a couple who had a daughter who was about 18 years old the wife was distraught and in tears when she said to us. ''My husband wants me to do things that I do not understand, what should I do?'' we were traumatized to say the least as we had never faced a situation like this. Apparently the husband had had extensive exposure to pornography and after each encounter he came home desiring his wife now in her late forties to have the same agility of the girls he had seen on the internet. This shocked his conservative wife and caused her to withdraw even more. This ultimately led to some serious dissatisfaction from the husband who began to shop elsewhere for more capable service delivery and of course there was no shortage of offers.
A lot in this case is debatable, at the time of the encounter I gave some scriptural advise but am not sure if what I said was practical or moving enough to bring a change in the situation. Given another opportunity today to minister to this couple I would approach it differently as I am wiser now...
To the wife I would recommend her to study the ''Lessons from the harlots'' and move away from what '' Paul calls old wives tales'' about intimacy issues. In this day and age you cannot counsel ladies to go ahead to the bedroom and undress, switch of the lights and jump into bed and wait for the husband to come. Good marriage books written by Christian counselors, doctors and ministers will tell you there is a need to play before. There has to be a build up. Old school will not get the desired results.
Gen 26:8 MSG One day, after they had been there quite a long time, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac fondling his wife Rebekah.
Gen 2:24-25 MSG Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh. (25) The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.
To the husbands I would say learn from the right sources what works and implement it progressively with consent and mutuality not patronizing masculinity after all she is your wife not your whore. And do remember that your wife is your first and best source. Create an atmosphere that allows liberty to speak what is best for each of you. Forgive the candid talk but lets talk plain here, like real men. Many men are deceived by Hollywood that make intercourse look like some highly dramatized event and when their wife does not breath like the actor they think there is something wrong with her. Remember that woman is paid to act like that, just like the harlot. Do you want a wife or an actor?
Back to the question of how to get free; look at this scripture and think this through. 1st Corinthians 7 from verse 1 Paul writes “Now getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. (Notice Paul had a blog) First, is it a good thing for a man to have sexual relations? [Now that is a good question and Paul gives a good answer. I often say that the bible is the sexiest book in the world. There are whole chapters and books on the subject] Certainly- but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a wife to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, [please take note of this phrase] but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality-the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place of “stand up for your rights.” [this is why we have so many problems today] Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time IF YOU BOTH AGREE TO IT, and if its for the purpose of prayer and fasting-BUT ONLY FOR SUCH TIME. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. [Emphasis added, [] added, quoting for the message bible]
How clear should the bible get on the matter at hand? God is very clear about His plan for our sexual life.
Paul makes it clear that God has a solution, be committed to meet each other’s needs. If there is demonic oppression and sometimes there is; get a Pastor to minister to you. The first step to walking free according to the Bible is confession. Confess your faults one to another and pray for one another.
If anyone is caught in a fault or sin, you that are spiritual restore such an one in a spirit of meekness lest you get caught in the same.
If you confess your sins He is faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you. After you receive forgiveness, you have to receive cleansing and often because of the guilt and condemnation associated with sexual sin, many people find it difficult to receive either of the two.
Here are some simple steps to follow in order to walk free. Remember I am operating on two assumptions: That you are married and that you are a child of God (born again)
1. Get into the Word. This means read scriptures on freedom and liberty. Get good literature that will help you
2. Speak your freedom. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so. Hold fast to the confession of your faith without wavering
3. Confess your sin to God and to a reliable mature spiritual person who can walk you through a restoration process. The power of sin is in secrecy, that power is broken through confession.
4. Be under anointed Bible based ministry. Your spiritual covering is important it determines what happens to you. If you worship at a poor, broke, adultery ridden, slanderous church these things will be evident in your life.
5. Initiate the law of substitution. That means when you used to go to the harlot for sexual gratification, go to your spouse. Where the Internet was your source of thrill, go to your spouse. Where magazines were your source of advise (not all magazines address these issues wrong, some magazines give healthy tips and advice, but always measure it with the word of God), go to the Bible or a reliable person. Substitute what is bad with what is good. This might mean clearing your old movie selection, putting in restrictions to the web sites you can visit, being transparent and accountable about the use of money and Internet.
6. Repair relationships. Where you hurt your spouse by your habits and conduct, repent and give them time to heal before you expect all to work normally. With God He will treat you just as if you'd never sinned but we have to be patient with one another.
7. With your spouse and mentors put in a ministry program that you commit to and are held accountable. Sometimes the other spouse needs to walk through the program in an act of support for their partner. This program should include ministry time, Bible study, prayer and celebration.
8. Where necessary get tested together and plan your way forward based on the results. Testing positive is not the end of the world. God is a healer.
Please be aware that this is a process, as you cultured your system into sin you will have to train yourself to do the right thing. Renewing the mind is a process that requires diligence and commitment. Psalm 23 says He restores your soul. If you fail, get up and keep moving with the ministry program.
Sexual sin affects all three components of your life but God will restore all areas including the soul. 1Co 6:16 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one."
Now a quick warning to spouses that are approached by repentant partners; please chose your reaction wisely. This also applies to Pastors. People that cannot go to their spiritual leaders because there is condemnation and criticism approach me. Repentant people should never have their laundry put out in the open. Restoration should be discreet if it is to be effective. I am not talking rogues that are taking advantage of others.
Please note this is a framework for ministry the flesh will need for you to have someone walk with you through the process. Please refuse to be ministered to by a person of the opposite sex, who comes alone into the counseling session, this leads to more problems. Perhaps also note that even some of the same gender, have other motives.
For further help please do contact us, but your most preferred source of help is your Pastors. That’s why God planted you in a church, be planted and be accountable there.
Office number +27110711590 Email pastortich@mwmi.co.za
