Tuesday 24 May 2011
Married and loving it: A Great story
Married and loving it: A Great story: "A very touching story………………… Read and let God minister to you. I was so touched I was almost in tears at this story, God bless you as you s..."
A Great story
A very touching story…………………
Read and let God minister to you. I was so touched I was almost in tears at this story, God bless you as you seek to build a great marriage. Remember the intimate moments are important.
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Why?
Read and let God minister to you. I was so touched I was almost in tears at this story, God bless you as you seek to build a great marriage. Remember the intimate moments are important.
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, Why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, its time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said; I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, and the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A
LIFETIME.
“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
If your marriage is headed this way call us, email us, talk to a pastor somewhere. Its not too late you can make a difference in your marriage there is an answer. We love you and we are willing to stand with you and walk you through a restoration process so you can be “Married and love it” Marriage is supposed to be a blessing and the Word of God can help.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, and the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A
LIFETIME.
“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
If your marriage is headed this way call us, email us, talk to a pastor somewhere. Its not too late you can make a difference in your marriage there is an answer. We love you and we are willing to stand with you and walk you through a restoration process so you can be “Married and love it” Marriage is supposed to be a blessing and the Word of God can help.
Wednesday 11 May 2011
Married and loving it: What happened to "The Friend I married"
Married and loving it: What happened to "The Friend I married": "Married and loving it It is amazing that we have received amazing traffic and enquiries on this blog as compared to the other two blog’. I..."
What happened to "The Friend I married"
Married and loving it
It is amazing that we have received amazing traffic and enquiries on this blog as compared to the other two blog’. It seems there are more people interested in building happy marriages than people that want to make money. This is a good thing for me because I am aware that great marriages can build a strong resource base as they work together in unity. In fact statistics tell us that most financial problems in a marriage can be traced back to poor communication and poor sex life.
So if you want to make more money work on your marriage. He that finds a wife finds a good thing (The covenant is the thing not the wife) and obtains favor from the Lord. Wow that’s powerful there is an advantage in walking in unity with your wife. Where there is strive there dwell every evil thing but where there is unity there God commands the Blessing. Wow what powerful scriptures. Can this level of unity be achieved? Can we walk together at this level and enjoy this kind of favor and get rid of demonic oppression in our homes? Yes we can!!!
I have found that one of the key factors to building a great marriage that you enjoy is the friendship component, it is so important that you maintain a growing friendship relationship between the two of you. Friendship takes away the animosity and the maliciousness that could possibly develop when two people from different backgrounds are trying to adjust and fit into each other’s lives. Proverbs says ''a man that has friends must show himself friendly'' so I need to develop a friendliness towards my wife and she to me.
Have a close look at these notes and let them build a new paradigm that will help you be a better spouse. I learnt that wealth is not for everyone, only for those that are willing to develop the necessary skills and habits that go along with wealth. In the same way great marriages are for those that are will to pursue the Word of God and the wisdom that builds such marriages. The rest of the world remains on average or they become a statistic. This is not your portion so here we go.
I like defining words so that we can be on the same page, here are some notes from our discipleship manual that will be useful to lay a foundation.
Brotherly Kindness - Definition:
The Greek word is “philadelphia”. It comes from two words: “philos” and “adelphos”.
“Philos” means friend, to be friendly, a companion. From this word we get the Greek word “phileo” which is translated by the word “love”. “Phileo” is the type of love we are most accustomed to. It is a love that desires love to be returned. It is the kind of love we all know through healthy family relationships.
“Adelphos” means a brother, a fellow associate united to another by some bond. This bond can be blood but not necessarily so. It can be any type of bond; i.e., class, social, clubs, organizations, ethnic, etc.
Thus this is a fellow associate (i.e., a brother) who is a good friend.
Consider these verses with the word “philos”:
John 15:13. "Greater love (agape) has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends (philos). (NKJV)
James 2:23.And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness." And he was called the friend (philos) of God. (NKJV)
Note also this verse from the Old Testament:
Proverbs 18:24. A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (NKJV)
Consider the following passages of scripture, which use the word, philadelphia meaning “brotherly kindness”:
Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; (NKJV) (wow this is powerful remember your last fight)
1 Thessalonians 4:9. But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love (agape) one another; (NKJV)
Hebrews 13:1.Let brotherly love continue. (NKJV)
1 Peter 1:22 22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love (agape) one another fervently with a pure heart, (NKJV)
1 Peter 3:8.Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; (NKJV) {this is speaking to me}
Important note:
“Phileo” is how we love those dear to us (i.e., spouse, children, close relatives). Now the Lord adds to the word for us as Christians! We are to learn to love our brethren with the same type of love. We must move from “phileo” to “philadelphia”. This is a step up. This is leading us toward “agape”.
In other words we must learn to love the brethren at least like we love very close relatives. (It is obvious that the church we read about in the book of Acts did this. They sold their goods in order to help one another.)
This is the process that you go through in marriage. You see this pretty lady, you fall in love, you get married you want to get some love, attention, sex etc. Then as the relationship develops you begin to love with the kindness that wants to give and add value, then after a while you grow up and realize the world does not revolve around you. You begin to love unconditionally with the agape love. The sooner you get here the better, if you can start here its even better.
As human beings we were created to crave for and survive on companionship and relationship, the highest level of intimacy is expressed in marriage, when we get married we must be committed to each other for life. This type of commitment builds lasting marriages because it is built on unconditional love and friendship. Don't get me wrong ultimately we all must have the real foundation of marriage which is agape (unconditional love) a decision to love unselfishly regardless of the circumstances. When we love each other unconditionally and we develop a friendship that is tight we will meet one of the greatest needs in mankind. The need for Love, acceptance, recognition, respect and honor.
We are all looking for and longing for this. The need is met in different ways but is generally interpreted as love by the recipient. A lot of our fights are birthed in the realm of selfishness when we feel we are being denied something we feel is our right. Great marriages are built when ''I'' gets of the throne. You have a right to sex as a husband but if you get it as a right you are not in a happy marriage, as a wife you have a right to be loved but the moment it comes from the demand it is no longer love. Lets love and give ourselves to our spouse out of an unselfish desire to meet their needs.
Below is a conversation between a counselor and a counselee, to illustrate the needs we have for love. Note the differences in the make up of men and women. It would do us good to be able to understand one another in marriage, knowing that we are different will make a difference. Have you ever wondered why we fight about being different when that is the factor that got us together to begin with imagine being married to someone like you.
Councilor: How are you doing and how is the marriage?
Mary (Not her real name): “Haaaaa I have learnt to soldier through many trials. In fact just so you know we had a fall out like last week and we only like started talking yesterday because it was his birthday haa haa ha haaaa aya marriage I tell you!!!!!! Full of decisions to be made
Councilor: Yes it’s like that, you will find that as you grow and mature in Christ and become less selfish things get smoother. I am growing in knowing God and my wife; it’s an amazing journey. As I grow in Christ I am growing in my marriage
Mary: Yeah all I can say is you see exactly where you are in your Christian growth with the way you handle your spouse, issues, forgiveness, choosing to be reconciled than to be right, only there do you see your mirror-image in Christ i.e. how far you are from looking like Him. You know when He chose to die on the cross for us all and said its ok they reject me but I’ll do it nevertheless and if I think of applying it to John (Husband {not his real name}) wow that would be super growth, but I strive to get there
Councilor: Lets press toward the mark of the high calling are you still doing your study of love?
Mary: Honestly I’d slipped up and I can see the impact, wish I had continued. I want to go through the book with him, please pray that we can start today and finish strong and apply more than anything all that we learn
Councilor: Step into it with determination and let God work in you both we will stand and pray it happens. Have fun together remember you are friends first enjoy every moment we don't have forever on earth
Mary: Thanks you are so right, friends first. Its so easy to forget because of these expectations that start coming etc
Councilor: Yes we forget that we are friends and place all kinds of demands and pressures on each other and stop having fun marriage become like school and you have to do home work. Here is the thing unmet expectations lead to frustration. Doing stuff for a friend should be enjoyed not endured, it should bring joy not sorrow.
Mary: You are sooo right, wish John was also on this chat I will have to fill him in on this talk. It will really help us
Councilor: I think I should convert this chat to a blog this is powerful; I get many people asking about the friendship factor in their relationship especially the ladies.
Mary: Sometimes things people say in conversation is amazing because you say your heart right then and things you are going through right then and it definitely would be airing someone’s heart as well.
Councilor: That’s true speaking is a powerful tool to bringing answers. Men need to learn this because we think our way to answers and women talk their way to answers and this difference often creates a dilemma because men think women are talking too much and women think men are not talking enough. But the way we arrive at an answer or course of action is different. But I think men need to talk more even if it is to say I am still thinking about that matter give me time. The worst a woman can think and say to your husband is you are doing nothing about it. Men feel this reduces them and they close up and become an answer to your confession. I will show her that there is nothing being done. This response is wrong but men get pushed to this and the friendship suffers
Mary: So true hey. Its almost like 'oh she's sayin I’m doing nothin ahhh so will keep my processed thought to myself since she does believe there's nothing being done, it wont help to say much to her she will think I’m saying something just because she complained. So for the sake of peace also I’ll continue to be quiet always'
After a moments pause; Mary: “eish God help us to understand that part about each other the silence, the speaking and may there be Godly balances always that comes through
Councilor: That’s correct, if we master this we will become that much more able to assist each other. Inside each wife is a little excited girl that wants to express her excitement about her new Barbie doll and her frustration about the boy who stole her baby pram give her and ear and listen to her and inside every man is a little boy who is excited about his new toy but needs encouragement to use it. Give a word of encouragement and you will see amazing things coming out of him.
Mary: Yes encouragement, you are so right about that. And do you know the core of our disagreement had part element along those lines "you don’t really take time to listen to me" that’s many a woman’s cry, atmosphere must be right to begin to pour out those little hurts that cling onto her heart but many a time like marriage vine was saying in order to reach deep connections couples must sit talk at least an hour, this creates deep strong bonds and men may only manage to get halfway and the frustration builds again in her heart, she wants to be heard, she wants to be held but alas he believes he did well but no she was only about to begin to speak. God help us
Councilor: Yes this is true and God will help us its part of the adventure. I like this chat I will edit it and make it a blog. It will help many people to learn some powerful marriage lesson. If I make money I promise to share with you. Lol
Wow am sure you now see in this true story the importance of the friendship and the bonding that is needed in marriage. For me the challenge has always been the time factor. My marriage has been challenged by our working hours. Being good pastors that love the sheep and want to be there for them. I have learnt that we need to get away more and I need to listen more and talk more. Am sure I am not the only husband to confess this. Oh I can hear all the wives say Amen to this blog.
What do you think? Lets talk
So if you want to make more money work on your marriage. He that finds a wife finds a good thing (The covenant is the thing not the wife) and obtains favor from the Lord. Wow that’s powerful there is an advantage in walking in unity with your wife. Where there is strive there dwell every evil thing but where there is unity there God commands the Blessing. Wow what powerful scriptures. Can this level of unity be achieved? Can we walk together at this level and enjoy this kind of favor and get rid of demonic oppression in our homes? Yes we can!!!
I have found that one of the key factors to building a great marriage that you enjoy is the friendship component, it is so important that you maintain a growing friendship relationship between the two of you. Friendship takes away the animosity and the maliciousness that could possibly develop when two people from different backgrounds are trying to adjust and fit into each other’s lives. Proverbs says ''a man that has friends must show himself friendly'' so I need to develop a friendliness towards my wife and she to me.
Have a close look at these notes and let them build a new paradigm that will help you be a better spouse. I learnt that wealth is not for everyone, only for those that are willing to develop the necessary skills and habits that go along with wealth. In the same way great marriages are for those that are will to pursue the Word of God and the wisdom that builds such marriages. The rest of the world remains on average or they become a statistic. This is not your portion so here we go.
I like defining words so that we can be on the same page, here are some notes from our discipleship manual that will be useful to lay a foundation.
Brotherly Kindness - Definition:
The Greek word is “philadelphia”. It comes from two words: “philos” and “adelphos”.
“Philos” means friend, to be friendly, a companion. From this word we get the Greek word “phileo” which is translated by the word “love”. “Phileo” is the type of love we are most accustomed to. It is a love that desires love to be returned. It is the kind of love we all know through healthy family relationships.
“Adelphos” means a brother, a fellow associate united to another by some bond. This bond can be blood but not necessarily so. It can be any type of bond; i.e., class, social, clubs, organizations, ethnic, etc.
Thus this is a fellow associate (i.e., a brother) who is a good friend.
Consider these verses with the word “philos”:
John 15:13. "Greater love (agape) has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends (philos). (NKJV)
James 2:23.And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness." And he was called the friend (philos) of God. (NKJV)
Note also this verse from the Old Testament:
Proverbs 18:24. A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (NKJV)
Consider the following passages of scripture, which use the word, philadelphia meaning “brotherly kindness”:
Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; (NKJV) (wow this is powerful remember your last fight)
1 Thessalonians 4:9. But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love (agape) one another; (NKJV)
Hebrews 13:1.Let brotherly love continue. (NKJV)
1 Peter 1:22 22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love (agape) one another fervently with a pure heart, (NKJV)
1 Peter 3:8.Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; (NKJV) {this is speaking to me}
Important note:
“Phileo” is how we love those dear to us (i.e., spouse, children, close relatives). Now the Lord adds to the word for us as Christians! We are to learn to love our brethren with the same type of love. We must move from “phileo” to “philadelphia”. This is a step up. This is leading us toward “agape”.
In other words we must learn to love the brethren at least like we love very close relatives. (It is obvious that the church we read about in the book of Acts did this. They sold their goods in order to help one another.)
This is the process that you go through in marriage. You see this pretty lady, you fall in love, you get married you want to get some love, attention, sex etc. Then as the relationship develops you begin to love with the kindness that wants to give and add value, then after a while you grow up and realize the world does not revolve around you. You begin to love unconditionally with the agape love. The sooner you get here the better, if you can start here its even better.
As human beings we were created to crave for and survive on companionship and relationship, the highest level of intimacy is expressed in marriage, when we get married we must be committed to each other for life. This type of commitment builds lasting marriages because it is built on unconditional love and friendship. Don't get me wrong ultimately we all must have the real foundation of marriage which is agape (unconditional love) a decision to love unselfishly regardless of the circumstances. When we love each other unconditionally and we develop a friendship that is tight we will meet one of the greatest needs in mankind. The need for Love, acceptance, recognition, respect and honor.
We are all looking for and longing for this. The need is met in different ways but is generally interpreted as love by the recipient. A lot of our fights are birthed in the realm of selfishness when we feel we are being denied something we feel is our right. Great marriages are built when ''I'' gets of the throne. You have a right to sex as a husband but if you get it as a right you are not in a happy marriage, as a wife you have a right to be loved but the moment it comes from the demand it is no longer love. Lets love and give ourselves to our spouse out of an unselfish desire to meet their needs.
Below is a conversation between a counselor and a counselee, to illustrate the needs we have for love. Note the differences in the make up of men and women. It would do us good to be able to understand one another in marriage, knowing that we are different will make a difference. Have you ever wondered why we fight about being different when that is the factor that got us together to begin with imagine being married to someone like you.
Councilor: How are you doing and how is the marriage?
Mary (Not her real name): “Haaaaa I have learnt to soldier through many trials. In fact just so you know we had a fall out like last week and we only like started talking yesterday because it was his birthday haa haa ha haaaa aya marriage I tell you!!!!!! Full of decisions to be made
Councilor: Yes it’s like that, you will find that as you grow and mature in Christ and become less selfish things get smoother. I am growing in knowing God and my wife; it’s an amazing journey. As I grow in Christ I am growing in my marriage
Mary: Yeah all I can say is you see exactly where you are in your Christian growth with the way you handle your spouse, issues, forgiveness, choosing to be reconciled than to be right, only there do you see your mirror-image in Christ i.e. how far you are from looking like Him. You know when He chose to die on the cross for us all and said its ok they reject me but I’ll do it nevertheless and if I think of applying it to John (Husband {not his real name}) wow that would be super growth, but I strive to get there
Councilor: Lets press toward the mark of the high calling are you still doing your study of love?
Mary: Honestly I’d slipped up and I can see the impact, wish I had continued. I want to go through the book with him, please pray that we can start today and finish strong and apply more than anything all that we learn
Councilor: Step into it with determination and let God work in you both we will stand and pray it happens. Have fun together remember you are friends first enjoy every moment we don't have forever on earth
Mary: Thanks you are so right, friends first. Its so easy to forget because of these expectations that start coming etc
Councilor: Yes we forget that we are friends and place all kinds of demands and pressures on each other and stop having fun marriage become like school and you have to do home work. Here is the thing unmet expectations lead to frustration. Doing stuff for a friend should be enjoyed not endured, it should bring joy not sorrow.
Mary: You are sooo right, wish John was also on this chat I will have to fill him in on this talk. It will really help us
Councilor: I think I should convert this chat to a blog this is powerful; I get many people asking about the friendship factor in their relationship especially the ladies.
Mary: Sometimes things people say in conversation is amazing because you say your heart right then and things you are going through right then and it definitely would be airing someone’s heart as well.
Councilor: That’s true speaking is a powerful tool to bringing answers. Men need to learn this because we think our way to answers and women talk their way to answers and this difference often creates a dilemma because men think women are talking too much and women think men are not talking enough. But the way we arrive at an answer or course of action is different. But I think men need to talk more even if it is to say I am still thinking about that matter give me time. The worst a woman can think and say to your husband is you are doing nothing about it. Men feel this reduces them and they close up and become an answer to your confession. I will show her that there is nothing being done. This response is wrong but men get pushed to this and the friendship suffers
Mary: So true hey. Its almost like 'oh she's sayin I’m doing nothin ahhh so will keep my processed thought to myself since she does believe there's nothing being done, it wont help to say much to her she will think I’m saying something just because she complained. So for the sake of peace also I’ll continue to be quiet always'
After a moments pause; Mary: “eish God help us to understand that part about each other the silence, the speaking and may there be Godly balances always that comes through
Councilor: That’s correct, if we master this we will become that much more able to assist each other. Inside each wife is a little excited girl that wants to express her excitement about her new Barbie doll and her frustration about the boy who stole her baby pram give her and ear and listen to her and inside every man is a little boy who is excited about his new toy but needs encouragement to use it. Give a word of encouragement and you will see amazing things coming out of him.
Mary: Yes encouragement, you are so right about that. And do you know the core of our disagreement had part element along those lines "you don’t really take time to listen to me" that’s many a woman’s cry, atmosphere must be right to begin to pour out those little hurts that cling onto her heart but many a time like marriage vine was saying in order to reach deep connections couples must sit talk at least an hour, this creates deep strong bonds and men may only manage to get halfway and the frustration builds again in her heart, she wants to be heard, she wants to be held but alas he believes he did well but no she was only about to begin to speak. God help us
Councilor: Yes this is true and God will help us its part of the adventure. I like this chat I will edit it and make it a blog. It will help many people to learn some powerful marriage lesson. If I make money I promise to share with you. Lol
Wow am sure you now see in this true story the importance of the friendship and the bonding that is needed in marriage. For me the challenge has always been the time factor. My marriage has been challenged by our working hours. Being good pastors that love the sheep and want to be there for them. I have learnt that we need to get away more and I need to listen more and talk more. Am sure I am not the only husband to confess this. Oh I can hear all the wives say Amen to this blog.
What do you think? Lets talk
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