Marriage was designed by God to be a
glorious experience that brings mutual fulfilment spirit, soul and body. When
God designed the blueprint of marriage He had it in His mind that this would be
the most refreshing, empowering and rejuvenating human relationship. He
designed marriage to be a source of health, peace, and joy all these are key in
high performance in life.
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Unfortunately marriage is on the top of
satan’s hit list as he hates marriages with a passion. This is primarily
because marriage represents God and His relationship with the church. Secondly
because strong marriages produce strong, wholesome, well-rounded children that
have a healthy self-confidence and function as visionary thought leaders. This
is dangerous for his kingdom so he seeks to bring as much dysfunction as
possible. Satan is using every tool available to him to cause chaos in
marriages and families.
With this in mind we need to
aggressively work at investing into our marriages and fortifying them with the
Word of God in order to keep out the enemy. In our latest book 'Married and lovin it' my wife
Princisca and I address a number of key factors that need to be looked into in
order to build strong healthy lasting marriages that are happy. Chapter six
focuses on recovering from marital setbacks. Marital setbacks happen in different
degrees to all marriages this could be in the area of finances, lose of family,
friends or relatives. This could come as a result of infidelity, broken trust,
sexual frustration or any other reason.
Unfortunately most couples have never
been prepared for marital setbacks with regards to what to do when they do come
or just the fact that they do not have to be fatal to the marriage. Knowing
that you can recover from marital setbacks is a vital aspect of bouncing back
stronger and better when the inevitable happens in your marriage.
Being aware of this possibility creates
a sense of preparedness so the negative impact of the setback will be less
devastating and the recovery process begins promptly. I want to encourage you
that you are not alone God is able to bring you out of the setbacks you could
be facing right now.
For
a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall
into mischief. (Proverbs 24:16)
Don't give up because you feel you have
tried to fix things for so long and it's not working. In the scripture above
Solomon helps us to see that regardless of how many times you fall you can get
up again and God will restore you. David is a great example he messed up so
many times had many setback from family to marriage to children to his throne.
What is amazing is to see David bounce back with such amazing confidence even
though sometimes he goes into deep depression as seen in his psalms, afterward
he would be back to himself and you hear him say I would have given up had I
not expected to see the deliverance of the Lord.
What was David’s key to recovery? Well
it's simple enough one can almost miss it. He trusted God to bring him out.
David had a relentless faith and confidence in Gods ability to bring him out of
setbacks. You need to build your faith and confidence in God before the setback
happens so that when it happens God becomes your refuge and your strength your
very present help in time of need. You will be confident that He will deliver
you from the noisome pestilence and from your enemies the imagine evil against
you.
In marriage you need to fortify your
marriage against the adverse effects of setbacks. You may not always be able to
stop the setbacks but you can manage the impact they have on your mental wellbeing.
Make a decision that you will not be moved. David says;
“Surely
he will never be shaken; The righteous will be in everlasting remembrance. He
will not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is steadfast, trusting in the
LORD. His heart is established; He will not be afraid, Until he sees his desire
upon his enemies.”
Psalms
112:6-8 NKJV
Let the Word of God be the foundation for your marriage and
you will find it easy to bounce back from marital setbacks or to reduce or
manage the impact of the setback on your marriage.
The last thing I want to share in this
article is the principles of repentance. The biblical model of repentance is
not the typical “I'm sorry process”. It is deeper and stronger than that. It is
going back to the original settings. To repent means to go back to the top, it
means to bring oneself under the blood of Jesus and be restored to a place of
soundness. Ask God to forgive you and restore you and ask your spouse to
forgive you. Being sorry is not the point here repenting is what is vital to
get back into spiritual shape.
In asking for forgiveness you clear the
spiritual atmosphere and get back to a place where the grace of God is actively
working in your lives. Unforgiveness bitterness and malice will open the door
to more trouble.
For where envying and strife is, there
is confusion and every evil work. (James 3:16)
Demons love to hang around an
environment where there is no repentance and forgiveness because this is the
very nature of Satan. Make a decision to move and close all doors so Satan
cannot cause more problems for you.
We have dealt with many couples that are
in a date of not wanting to repent and move on, this is often characterized by
a desire to relate long detailed analysis of how bad your spouse is and how
they have hurt you. I understand this human side of our lives but truth be told
the more your speak about how you have been hurt the more real the issue
becomes to you and the more difficult it will be to resolve things.
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Then of course we add statements like
'I've been through so much I just need time out' or 'I can forgive but I cannot
forget' or 'I really want him/her to understand how much I have been hurt'.
While you may reserve your right to feel this way you need to know you have
just denied yourself the right to be free, you are now a prisoner in a self
imposed prison of pain and unhappiness. If you ever leave that marriage and get
into another relationship you will be a prisoner walking into a new
relationship carrying old baggage, your new spouse will never fully enjoy you
because of what you carry so that relationship ends and you enter another and
the cycle continues.
Divorce was permitted simply because of
hardness of hearts not because God subscribed to the idea. In fact God hates
divorce and desires for marriages to work. If you are divorced know that God
loves you very much and wants your life to be happy but the is predicated on
your making the decision to repent deal with the issues, be willing to forget
and move on with life. In Corinthians Paul says 'love keeps no record of wrong'
forgive your spouse forgive yourself and let God wash you and renew you and
give you a new beginning even if this may mean that relationship that had a
setback starts again on a brand new page. Let God work in your life. Bounce
back and walk in victory.
To read more on this order our book Married and Lovin it at
www.faithlandpublisher.co.za you can also get in touch with us at
www.sp101.co.za. Get some of our marriage enhancing material that will help you
deal with the challenges of marriage and you can build a marriage that is
glorious. You can be Married and
Lovin it.
God bless you
