Marital transformation

What is it about sex?

We are living in a time where the devil is fighting marriages with everything that he has, with the sad statistics of divorce cases being so high. 54 percent of all marriages in SA end in divorce and of those that remain married less than half of them are happy. If this is you I have good news that you can change you situation that what this blog is all about. The devil will try and ensure that there is enough strain and strife in your marriage so that he can influence where you end up in your life. The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus came that you might have life and have it more abundantly. The bible also says where there is strife there dwells every evil work. If he and keep you and your spouse in strife you are in trouble. It will affect every area of your life and hinder your progress as a family.

Te enemy will cause wives to feel their husbands are not giving them enough attention so they withdraw sexually saying “All he wants is my body” and he causes husbands to feel frustrated because they are not getting enough sex so they withdraw into their silent world and they watch sport or something thinking she does not honor me. This cycle opens up the door to the devil who is good at coming in with his schemes at such crucial times. 1^st Co7 vs. 5 tells us that satan has a way of tempting us when we least expect it during those cold wars.

When a lady is still single she releases a lot of sexual energy with a desire to catch a man but somewhere along the line she turns this off as if to say I have got a man so its fine. The sex energy that you have is a God-given gift that has a purpose. God never intended for you to turn it off his plan was when you get married you focus it on this one man and you minister to him till he cries. It is designed by God to help the two of you to fulfill an assignment together. A good sex life has many more untold benefits than the few we were taught in the counseling room. Keep reading I attempt to list some of those benefits at the end of this lesson. Harlots seem to have a greater understanding of the power of sexual energy and they put it to use if wives had a greater understanding of this principle they would put the sex trade out of business (read my blog “Lessons from the harlots”) I am still thinking whether I should post part two of it I shocked too many people with part one.  

A few years ago I was led to do a module for ministering to those about to get married as I felt this was a key area in any persons life as I meditated on the topics and started working on the content I realized that I needed to beef up the chapter on sex. I had to learn a lot of this info by chance and experiment, as we go through this month of Marital Transformation I would like to share some of that material with you that have been married for years. Going back to the basics will help you.

Have you ever wondered “what is the fuss about sex?” why does this “sex thing” seem so big in the world, in the news, on television etc? If you are a man you probably wondered the same well not sure about the ladies they have more important things to think about. I took time to look in the Word to find out if sex was such an important topic and I was surprised to find that sex is everywhere in the Bible. In fact according to today’s standards the bible should be PG 41. The stories you read are so filled with sexuality that we cannot dramatize some chapters without cutting out some scenes.

In case you did not know this God designed sex, please do not stop reading the blog right there its true. I discovered recently God designed sex. Can you imagine God as Holy as He is designing the sexual organs with amazing care and attention to detail? If this is true then we know that God is a God of consequence, everything He does has a “because”. Why did God create those strange looking things and then put chemistry between male and female? Well all the Bible scholars got the answer right “to replenish the earth” but is there more to it than that? All the men got the answer to that second question “its for pleasure and enjoyment. Any more answers? I can hear all the ladies say well of course so that I can catch a husband because if that was not there then men would not stop to consider marrying us. Hey you are supposed to be laughing put the stiletto down.

Seriously do you think God in his infinite wisdom only had three answers to this question why sex? Well I don’t think so here is my philosophy. Sex is a powerful tool which when used right can result in happy healthy families and it will produce happy wholesome children who in turn become a happy wholesome community that glorifies God and is pleasing to him. This will also result in financial success and productivity in the lives of the people involved and they will be able to dominate and subdue the earth.

Pastor; are you saying that a good marriage with a great sex life will result in financial and material prosperity. Welllll…. Yes that’s what I am saying. Prove it pastor. Hey don’t be lazy do some research yourself and you will discover this to be true. Let me give you some hints. Research on the top 100 or 1000 wealthiest people in the world you will discover that most of them are in their first marriage, most of them have a strong bond. Then you will note that a lot of people that began to loose their wealth after they began to cheat on their spouse or abuse them. Look at Solomon in the Bible the downfall came because of the many wives who turned his heart away from God. A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord, explain that. The unity and teamwork in a good marriage will have a symbiotic reaction that will bring the couple to a place of favor blessing and increase.

(If you want to understand this more please read Napoleon Hills book Think and grow Rich particularly chapter 11)

Having said all this lets me give you some of the notes that will help you understand sex better so you can benefit from this amazing gift from God. Please do excuse me for using the scientific term sex as opposed to “making love” as Christian couples don’t just have sex they make love and there is a big difference. Be aware that when I say sex it is in its proper sense talking about making love. The whole process which is a lifetime process not an event that lasts 5-10 minutes or 2 hours in the more experienced couples.

What is it about sex that makes it so big an issue in the world today?

What does the bible say?

1. Sex is Good

n  Heb 13:4 MSG Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.

n  Proverbs 5 vs. 15-20 (message bible)

n  1 Corinthians 7 vs. 1

What are the benefits of a healthy mutually rewarding enjoyable electric sex life? In Psalm 68: 19 the Psalmist tell us that God daily loads us with benefits, so we must search for and find those benefits that are in each day. Below is a list of some of those benefits that God has packed in this awesome gift of sex

1) A good sex life glorifies God

2) It will bring Gods blessing because of obedience (as you do the Word) if you are not making love often you are in violation of the scripture and that does not please God.

3) It will help you achieve higher levels of intimacy spiritually and bring unity and synergy (where there is unity God commands the blessing) it is not easy to connect totally with your spouse without being well connected sexually.

4) Good sex brings joy to the heart

You can often see happy couples by measuring the joy. Good sex reduces depression because of all the hormones that are produced and released into your system during lovemaking.

5) Good sex is good for your health

5.1) Oxygenating the blood, every so often our blood need to be saturated with oxygen during love making the heavy breathing increases the oxygen content in your blood and boosts your immune system and causes you to be more creative and resistant to a lot of attacks

5.2) The production of endorphins helps the body to repair, heal and mend itself it bring happiness and reduces cold and flu infections and helps fight other viral infections

5.3) It helps one sleep better you do not need sleeping pills and guess what it helps you to be more alert because you will have slept well, it helps you fight fatigue

5.4) Testosterone helps men to have stronger bones and a firmer body-build as this is the hormone that brings out the masculine factor in men. Your body produces more of this when one has a healthy sex life

5.5) Endorphins & other hormones that are released during hot sex and orgasm act as a pain reliever, no more head ache excuses. It is amazing that your body produces and releases more hormones during lovemaking than at any other time. You will certainly be healthier spirit, soul and body if your sex-life is good. Metal agility and creativity and fruitfulness also come from this great principle  

5.6) Frequent sex and ejaculation reduces the chances of having prostrate cancer in men and cervical cancer in women. The highest number of men with prostrate cancer was found to be among catholic priest and men that practice celibacy. So if you want your spouse to live long be generous. The frequent flushing of the sexual fluids is important for good health.

5.7) Frequent lovemaking helps reduce stress. Men are more stressed when there is less sex in their marriages and they become impatient and irritable and they demand sex more. But when the sex-life is good the traits mentioned above reduce and the pressure for sex goes down.

5.8) Regular love making increases women’s estrogen levels that protect her heart and keep vaginal tissues suppler. A good sex-life will help your dilations at childbirth and also helps in the firming or tightening of the vaginal muscles so the grip will be firmer feredo brake pads

5.9) Good sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles. It’s like gyming often to give you more agility and you can do amazing things in the bedroom

5.10) You avoid adultery hence you will live long. When you don’t make love often the door is open for the devil to attack. I know one too many Christian to have made one mistake and the devil attacked with disease. Making love to one person helps you live longer

6) Good sex is great exercise that addresses every part of your body

Doctors say you burn about 7500calories a year if you make love 3 times a week equivalent to jogging 75 miles. When I run on the treadmill for ten minutes it tell me I have burnt about 35 calories I should save money and just go home to my wife, I can burn more while having fun.

All good exercise releases endorphins and testosterone

7) LOVEMAKING bonds you together with your spouse in ways that nothing else will

Oxytocin (bonding hormone) is released when couples are in foreplay all the way till after they climax. It is a desire-enhancing chemical produced by the pituitary that will increase your desire for each other

8) A healthy sex life boosts self-confidence

People with good sexual relations are more confident and bolder in making presentations

Wow God is good He is an awesome designer don’t deprive yourself of all these great benefits and accrue doctors bills and counseling sessions by depriving one another.

2. Sex is of God

Gen 2:24-25 MSG Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.  (25) The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

3. Sex is spiritual

1Co 6:16 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." (Add vs. 17)

n  1 Corinthians 7 vs. 1-10

It is more than the physical being joined but you hearts and souls

4. Have/develop sexual affection

1 Corinthians 7 Verse 2-3

Gen 26:8 MSG One day, after they had been there quite a long time, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac fondling his wife Rebekah.

Songs of Solomon 7 (message bible)

We need to work on the affection factor in our marriages. We need to ensure that the spark is still there and that the flame of romance keeps burning, this requires effort from the interested. Being black sometimes has disadvantages and here is one area. It is taboo for couples to show some PDA public display of affection. I believe this is an important component in enjoying our marriages, in the verse above Isaac was fondling his wife. Wow is that in the bible?

5. Avoid excuses (sexcuses)

1 Corinthians 7 Verse 4-5

No back aches head aches or “Sorry honey I’m going to pray…” or Oh the children…

Be determined to satisfy your partner sexually at all times and soon you will be in the habit of ministering to them well and enjoying the process and God is honored in that

n  Think & pray about being more creative in meeting their needs

6. Maintain honor & sexual purity

n  Sexual satisfaction in marriage is one of the best safeguards against infidelity

n  Stay in the Word & PRAYER

n  Stay full of the Holy Spirit

n  Be selective about entertainment 1 Thessalonians 5 vs. 21-23

n  Develop healthy covenant relationships

n  Be wise avoid traps don’t getting too flirty with the baby-minder or secretary. Don’t be seen in strange places at strange times with someone who is not your spouse. Men remember you are made of responsive flesh

n  If you have messed up repent, get things right with God your spouse and affected people, God will forgive and so will people if you are sincere they just take a little longer

7. Sex is pleasurable

n  Proverbs 5 vs. 15-20

n  Satisfy your spouses needs, find out what the need and deliver

n  Have transparent talk, speak openly about what you need from your spouse

n  Plan your sex life and be creative and spontaneous

n  Be creative and explore one another. Find out what that is and what its there for

n  Surprise one another

n  Be determined, never give up even if you make mistakes along the way start over again the good thing about marriage is you learn and grow together

The sexual response cycle

1) Desire

Desire is a function of the mind when certain conditions or stimuli is in place

2) Excitement

Getting turned on

Stimuli. E.g. Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste

This will create a strong yearning for sexual stimulation, this is a function of the body when the mind is in a certain state men tend to arrive here quicker than their wives (so men slow down and let her catch up)

What happens when at this stage? Heart rate increases, blood pressure increases, muscles tense up, nipples become erect, genital blood vessels become engorged with blood

For women, vagina lengthens and widens getting ready to receive the penis, clitoris swells, and breasts swell become very sensitive, the labia swell and separate, vagina becomes lubricated

For men, erect penis, scrotum thickens

3) Plateau

Breathing rate changes, blood pressure continues to increase, physical arousal is high

Women

Nipples enlarge, uterus tips, vagina narrows and tightens to grip the penis

Men

Head of penis swells even more and ejaculation takes place

4) Orgasm

In orgasm anus and vagina tighten and ejaculation happens, spasms take place in the body that cause great pleasure,

5) Resolution (coming back to mother earth)

Wow that was a mouthful in this blog perhaps lets call it a book. I trust you have learnt a lot if not mail me I will return your money back to you. As you read through some of these things please pray together share together about what your expectations are and let God minister to you. Let God heal where there has been pain and hurt and failure. Put together an action plan on how you will move forward visualize he kind of marriage you desire and write the vision down and go for it. If you need help with that let me know and I will help you out.

God bless you as you build a great marriage. Married and loving it is a possible reality