Make her smile…

Make her smile…

Having spent many years ministering to couples and helping them get their marriages back in shape there are some great lessons that I have accumulated and enjoy sharing with people. As the old adage is true “prevention is better than cure”. There are some things best learnt from an oral lesson than personal experience. The truth is experience is not always the best teacher. Wisdom is a far better teacher. The Holy Spirit is the best teacher of them all.

Mike Murdock rightly says “you can learn from mistakes or mentors” the latter being the most preferred service provider. There are experiences I have had in my life that I could have and should have avoided but I did not listen to the mentor who was coaching me and had experiences that I wish I never had. For the next few months I want to look into some of these marriage lessons that are best learnt from mentors and not experience.

Anyway let me get to one of the lessons and I hope you learn from them and laugh about this as one who will never “experience” it.

 

Make her smile

Smiling is an amazing phenomenon that scientists have looked into and wondered about for years. It has the amazing ability to cause people to be drawn to each other and to stay connected. As the man in her life if you master the skill of making her smile you will win her heart daily. She wants to feel secure in your love for her and that is often translates happy thoughts about you as a sign of love and security. You are not in good ground when she frowns at the mention of your name. She no longer looks forwards to your coming home, as she knows she will be with a source of pain and heartache.

Here is a small list of some things to avoid

Calling her names

Comparing her with other women

Negative comments about her body, dressing or cooking

Constant faultfinding and derogatory speech

Failure to deliver requested tasks

Failure to follow-through on matters discussed

Have you ever made any of these mistakes? (Maybe this morning) and you notice how the atmosphere changes in the home. She wants to please you and make you happy she wants to know that she is number one in your life and she uses your words and your demeanor to measure this. She will at the beginning work hard to adjust and meet your needs but if your approach is consistently harsh she will soon begin to give up and when her spirit is broken

Read these scriptures below and think on your marriage and make some adjustments.

Proverbs 15:13 A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like medicine: but a broken spirit drieth up the bones

Proverbs 18:14 The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?

Wow what strong words admonishing us to ensure that we create an environment that is merry (filled with laughter and joy) When we put undue pressure on our wives we break their spirit to be a “helper” and sooner or later she cannot deliver as she desires because of the hurt and pain. She can handle any pressure as long as she is whole but when her spirit is broken even the slightest pain will break her. I have dealt with women who knew their husband was involved in an affair and they were willing to fight for their marriage and they win because her spirit is not broken, yet on the other hand I have dealt with women with a straight man in his conduct but his words break her. The day she just sees’ a message wrongly sent to the husband’s phone she is out of there. What’s the difference? A broken spirit who can bear?

What is the biggest cause of broken spirits? Words. Words are key to shaping your marriage and gentlemen we just have to find a way to up our game with words. Not speaking many words but the right words. Look at Proverbs 12:18 There is that which speaks like the piercing of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Don’t pierce your wife with your tongue but rather use wisdom to build a great and joyful marriage.

Ephesians 5:25-26 MSG Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church--a love marked by giving, not getting.  (26) Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her

Finally what steps can I take to make a difference?

Make a quality decision to use your words to build the right marriage

Take time to think on what you can do to make your wife smile

Ask her “what have I done or said that broke you?” then ask her to forgive you (Lay aside the pride, don’t defend yourself just repent)

Always work at making her smile (The return on investment is great)