"Make love" a habit

Married and loving it

''Make love a habit''

Making love a habit is a sure way to invest into your marriage in a way that is fun and enjoyable. The little love things you do for and to each other are a way of creating bonds that will enhance the love experience. Making love a habit will result in you making love more often and with greater electrical results. Have you ever heard of oxytocin, well its a hormone that baffled doctors for a while as they tried to determine its purpose. They discovered that couples that touch, cuddle and have extended periods of foreplay release more oxytocin than other couples that neglect doing this.

So think about it and ask yourself the question; are we producing enough oxytocin in our marriage? Well what’s the fuss about this oxytocin? The word does not even sound nice it sounds like a chemical in a lab. Well I encourage you to learn a little bit about this and other hormones in your body. Its amazing how important hormones are in the proper function of our bodies and yet we know so little about them and how they are produced. A number of medical challenges we face in life are a result of hormonal imbalances or the lack of certain hormones.

7) LOVEMAKING bonds you together with your spouse in ways that nothing else will oxytocin (bonding hormone) is released when couple are in foreplay all the way till after they climax. It is a desire-enhancing chemical produced by the pituitary that will increase your desire for each other (notes from premarital teaching)
Doctors were perplexed by this hormone simply because it seemed to have no other purpose except enhancing a desire for your spouse and helping woman to initiate contractions at during delivery or lactation. In fact it is sometimes called the bonding hormone, it causes couples to desire being together and bonds them to each other. Follow the link below to learn more about oxytocin.

http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/

Here is the interesting thing when you desire each other, you will do things that cause you to produce more oxytocin and you will desire each other more. In other words there is a compounding desire and bonding factor that kicks in. In other words you will desire each other with interest (pun intended)

Couples that do not touch, hug and cuddle often and make love to each other but just have sex (there is a big difference) tend to bond less and miss each other less and this results in a drying up of the ''in love experience'' in the marriage. Animals have sex, which is the act of two similar species exchanging seed with the purpose of reproducing others like themselves. Making love on the other hand is the act of meeting the need of sexual stimulation and gratification in your spouse’s life. Notice this goes beyond reproduction. This is primarily focused on the expression of human sexuality in the confines of marriage. Remember humans are as sexual as they are spiritual, cognitive, relational, consumptive and emotional beings. We all have a need to worship, think, eat, connect, build communities and relate with others. We need to feel love and express love, we need to make love to and be made love to.

This is a sensitive topic in the church circles because we do not like to admit that we are sexual beings and this causes problems. Once you admit this, then you will be free to develop your sexuality so that it is a blessing to you and your spouse.

All humans are sexual beings. God gave us the tools for that and our whole body is wired to be responsive to sexual stimulation that has thousands of benefits.

I personally believe that only married couples can make love and all other people have sex. I also believe that the highest level of sexual fulfillment can only be experienced by Christians under certain conditions but that’s a lesson for another day.

What is oxytocin?

It is a hormone produced by the pituitary gland in the human body

What is its purpose?

Its main known purpose is to create a desire and bond between couples. It also helps in lactation (producing and releasing milk in nursing mothers) and in contractions during labor.

How can we produce more?

By making love a habit. When the breasts are stimulated during foreplay and when a baby is sucking the amount of oxytocin in the blood increases

I encourage couples to touch, pet, and hug and cuddle often, as this will build the bond between them. ''And Abimalech saw Isaac fondling with his wife'' wow I love this scripture its just as anointed as ''I heard a voice saying come up hither''

Read songs of Solomon you will be blessed. I know some people are really deep and all they see in this book is the union of Christ and the Church and that is true, but it is also directly addressing marriage. You will have amazing revelation of Christ and the Church when your marriage is great and you will also have a revelation of hell if your marriage is a mess. When you understand this principle your marriage will go to new heights of dizzying orgasm and fun and there will be a second coming and a third and...

You will be rushing home after work because you have made love a habit.

Steps to making love a habit

1. Desire to have a love filled marriage

2. Speak life into the marriage even if its not looking good right now

3. Begin a daily routine of touching, cuddling, kissing and hugging. Its not custom for people of color to do it but hold hands in the mall, at church and as you drive. Increase the contact time. Fight and play often (play fighting not real fights) be open and transparent in your communication of how you want to be held, hugged kissed etc. Don't be afraid to tell him ''Oh yes that’s it I like that yes right there ahhh'' please note that some of this might be strange at first but the more you do it he easier it becomes until its instinctive like blinking. You never say to yourself ''its time to blink'' this is what I mean by making love a habit.

4. Be sensitive to both verbal and none verbal communication from your spouse. Don't continue doing things that bring discomfort.

5. Schedule love moments, where you take time to be creative about investing into the love habits of your marriage. Share a shower (you'll save water and electricity. Unless something happens in there and you come out an hour later) invest time together. This is an invaluable truth that is working wonders for my marriage. Pastoring is a busy job and neglect is a trap a lot of pastors fall into. We counsel everybody else at our own expense.

6. Don't give up if it does not work the first time. Remember you fell of a bike when you were learning but you got on again. You will soon discover the right way to do things.

7. Pray about it. God is the author of marriage. Have you ever done something with your spouse and you thought God would be surprised. Well he knows it all including the stuff you don't know. Ask him for some tips and you will be surprised.

Well go and do this and I can guarantee your money back if it fails. Give yourself to this totally and reap amazing results. Make love a habit and you will be married and loving it.

I would like to thank Ndumiso and Methu Dube that are a shining example of Making love a habit. They are always touching and loving each other while I am preaching. Their marriage inspired my marriage and this blog.